


Will

by spaceyfish



Series: Alicization Alternative [5]
Category: Sword Art Online (Anime & Manga), ソードアート・オンライン - 川原礫 | Sword Art Online - Kawahara Reki
Genre: Depression, Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, M/M, Panic Attacks, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25773826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceyfish/pseuds/spaceyfish
Summary: Canon divergent rewrite of War of Underworld. This is the fifth and final part in a series!Eugeo and Alice reconnect and Alice finally understands how she ended up under the Administrator's wing. The truth about their world is finally unmasked.
Relationships: Eugeo/Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito, Kirigaya Kazuto | Kirito/Yuuki Asuna | Asuna
Series: Alicization Alternative [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1320422
Comments: 32
Kudos: 90





	1. Daydreaming

**Author's Note:**

> After a year of writing this, I feel like I've come a long way in my writing, especially since this is a hobby. At first I started this fic out of...spite possibly. I wanted things to happen differently than they did in the novels/anime. And I continued it because I was having so much fun toeing the line between keeping true to the characters as they are, but forcing the plot to happen how I wanted it to. And now I'm here hoping I'll do the original material justice. I hope everyone enjoys this longer than usual first chapter with unreliable narrator Eugeo! 
> 
> A warning: descriptions in this chapter will be a bit more gruesome than usual, closer to what was shown in the anime.

The way the Administrator fought was ruthless. Every hit Alice took felt like it would shake her apart. And but a few attacks in, she finally fell to one knee. Perhaps it was her state of mind, her whole world had been flipped around in the past few weeks. Or perhaps she overestimated herself, thinking she could fight the Administrator and hold her own.

She didn't have time for fear to overwhelm her before she felt a weight on her back and suddenly Kirito was there, blocking Her Eminence's blade from splitting her body in two.

Hadn't Kirito just told Eugeo he'd stay out of it?

Regardless she was grateful.

They flowed like water, alternating blocking and attacking. Her mind was calm as they fought together, though their foe was unimaginably strong.

She wasn't afraid.

And again that feeling was washed away when she found her head meeting the unforgiving marble floor. Her consciousness slipped away and the last thing she heard was Kirito screaming for her.

_ Ah...that sounds familiar for some reason. _

Yet somehow, she still wasn't afraid.

"Alice!"

Quinella laughed from across the room, "How strange, for her to defy me. My little Alice, you've always been a special one. All this for a knight you barely know? You're buying time for him to do….what exactly? You three can't do a thing against me!"

Kirito merely glared in response as he raised his sword towards the monarch. He didn't have time to check on Alice, he would get them both more hurt or worse if he did so.

"Though I do wonder how exactly you broke through my control my dear Eugeo." Her tone grew soft at the end of her musings, and something in Kirito felt repulsed as he thought of the small journal his friend had kept, "I don't believe the control matrix that I used was incorrect."

Kirito did not do the obvious thing and attack her while she was talking. He could tell that she would not be fooled by such a basic attack. Instead he stayed still, sacred art ready on his tongue. 

Before either could move an inch, ice flew in from every direction, piercing the ground.

There was a scream and a loud wet thump as the Administrator's arm unceremoniously fell to the floor, separated from its owner by impossibly sharp ice.

Kirito's sword wavered. A black spot flew across his vision.

Suddenly Eugeo had leapt in front of him and he was strongly reminded of their fight with the goblins.

He made sure to keep to Eugeo's side as he watched with horror as the Administrator picked up her own arm and turned it into a rapier.

He doesn't recall Eugeo ever being quite this aggressive and he doesn't want to think about what Quinella did to make him this way.

"You dare?!"

And then Kirito wishes for the first time for someone's quick death because he's never experienced a fight quite as intense as this. He finds himself regretting ever teaching Eugeo how to hold a sword. If he had never accepted they'd both be safe. They could have found Alice a different way. Maybe they both still would have been back home at Rulid village.

They weren't ever supposed to be fighting for their lives. They were supposed to be safe. He was supposed to make sure they were safe this time.

A loud clang shakes him to his core as Eugeo blocks an axe-like swing. < _ Meteor Fall> _ his brain supplies - unblockable, breaks defenses, and he panics, Eugeo can't block that, the blue rose sword  _ can't block that,  _ and he uses his own sword to knock Eugeo's out of the way and-

He falls.

How does she know a sword skill anyway? 

"Kirito!!!"

But Quinella is laughing wildly and advancing again, "I suppose I'll have to try my original plan. You did provide me with some hope Eugeo, but I suppose I am getting old and sentimental. Though, that too, can be fixed."

Eugeo screams as Kirito tries to rise again, but Kirito feels cold and sees his torso has been ripped apart from shoulder to hip.

"Eugeo… run…"

But his plea goes unheard and he falls unconscious like a candle being blown out.

Kirito cracks his eyes open to a bright storm of light and a young girl. 

He tries to move again but pain floods his system.

He doesn't know how much longer it is until he next wakes but then Alice is there, healing him.

"Thank you."

He sits up as soon as the pain has been reduced from unbearable to burning and feels his world crash down around him. No, the world must be ending, he must be having some kind of STL induced nightmare because he knows there is no world where this reality should come to be.

There's someone new near him but as she hasn't said anything and Alice seems unthreatened, he ignores her to crawl across the floor.

He feels Alice begging him not to move but he tries until his vision begins to blur and he still goes. It gets harder and harder to breathe until unfamiliar hands help him.

Those same hands help him weave through the debris. Alice is crying quite loudly, probably for a reason she doesn't even understand. She didn't even get to remember her time with Eugeo.

The thought sends a stabbing pain through Kirito's chest as he takes Eugeo's hand and struggles to lift his other, practically falling over the other to check his Stacia window.

"He still has Life left…"

Alice gasps and the girl next to him stiffens before daring to address Kirito, "Young man….even I can't save someone who's been split in two pieces."

Kirito distantly thinks that his best friend's life is decreasing rather slowly for someone whose legs are about a foot away. He catches a glimpse of Quinella's body and chooses to ask later. If there is a later.

Kirito's hand shakes and the window disappears. He roughly pushes her off of him. There's many things he wants to shout. That they saved him and he's clearly been cut in two because he's standing and his other half, his Eugeo is ripped apart on the floor. That they didn't even try. That he's useless, powerless. That this is his fault. 

His hand rises to grip his necklace, an old habit, and he gasps.

"What about this? He put some of his Life in here."

Kirito appreciates the quick and wordless examination of the pendant by the other two.

"This pendant...did you have him do this?" Before Kirito can answer she continues, "I can do this but you may die. This shard of him… it is intertwined with your own life. I won't be able to save either of you if it doesn't work."

He doesn't look away from Eugeo.

".....I'm not from here. This realm I mean. I don't think I can die. Maybe. I don't know what will happen but for Eugeo I'd die and more. Besides...I don't know how I'd live without him."

She opens his hand that had opened the Stacia window and places the crystal back where it belongs.

"Ah. You're from  _ there. _ That explains a lot...First I will wake him. Then you must be fast young man."

He nods.

She glances at the sword still gripped in his hand, "His blade...it is special."

"Did you know that my…Quinella kept the memories she took right here? In the walls of this room. It seems Eugeo found one and managed to use it to enhance his sword. She may have taught him too well. A question for when he wakes I suppose."

\-------

Eugeo finds himself staring into nothingness. He wasn't sure if he was awake or not. Alive or not. There were many ways he could describe having his torso separated from his legs but...honestly he preferred not to.

_ Am I dead? _

In a way he was a bit disappointed. If this was the afterlife well...he expected more than a black void. Quite boring, in his opinion.

Suddenly and with no small amount of horror, the pain from when he was awake- alive? - hits him all at once, a burst of static, and he already misses the boring nothingness. He closes his eyes reflexively, out of fear.

_ I'm still a coward after all. Can't face Kirito, can't face myself….can't stand up for myself. _

And then a voice.

He doesn't know who it is or what they're saying

Suddenly gravity reasserts its laws and he feels himself being pulled inside out. He tries to call for help, for anyone, for Alice, for Selka, for Kirito.

But nobody comes.

As the pulling feeling gets stronger and more painful, as though his insides are being pulled apart, the first pain fades as a coldness begins to spread. He recognizes the chill as that of his own sword and feels comforted.

Through the pain and confusion Eugeo felt relieved. A miracle happened and a girl that looked no older than ten had saved Kirito and Alice for him and defeated Her for them. 

He sends a silent apology to his previous sword, for fusing something to her so carelessly. From there his thoughts spiraled and spiraled until he started hearing the voice again. 

Who was it? 

Couldn't they tell he was done? He was sure now that he'd been killed and now… now he was done. He did his best and it wasn't good enough. He'd put his friends in danger. He wouldn't get to apologize to Selka.

They had been saved from the Administrator but Kirito's wounds had looked terrible. It's even possible that he died from them.

Eugeo thinks that this is his breaking point. The idea that Kirito may be dead and he'd never know, he'd never see his friends again. He was sick to his stomach. 

Someone was calling his name. 

"Stop it… leave me alone!"

He realized responding was a mistake, the voice grew even louder and more annoying. 

Everything hurt. He just wanted to fade away like this- to sleep. 

But this voice… there wasn't really anyone else who would call for him like this was there? 

"Kirito… why don't you just let me go?"

He sucks in a deep breath before doing the hardest thing he's ever done.

He tries to push against this flow,this thing dragging him down, because now he realizes where it must lead. To his end. And though he finds himself yearning for its embrace, there's still people who need him. 

"-geo"

The force was almost unfightable.

Still. 

For him, anything.

Static. 

There was a large Stacia window before him.

He reached for it, a fingertip barely making contact, sending an electrical shock through him.

_ <<Account Permissions granted>> _

A bell tolls and then it disappears. 

His hands felt so heavy that he couldn't shift them from their position and he was pretty sure his head was doing its absolute best to implode. Still he tried to open his eyes. As soon as light assaulted him he regretted his decision and snapped them shut. 

  
  


He must've made a noise because Kirito was shouting his name. 

He wanted to ask him to quiet down a little, to give him a few minutes, but he barely managed a wheezing sound. 

"Don't close your eyes okay,  _ don't.  _ "

"Hnngh."

He struggled against the hammer slamming itself repeatedly against his skull and opened his eyes. Kirito's face was a mess. And there was an alarming amount of blood on his coat. They'd have to buy him a new one.

“That’s it Eugeo, you’re doing great, you’ll be fine.”

His body was starting to feel chilled again.

He didn't think he was going to pass out again. Somehow he felt energy flowing back into him from his sword. It was one of the few things that had such a comforting energy to him. 

He tried to move his hand and found another holding it to his blade. He reasoned out on his own that he shouldn't let go of that either.

There were other voices, but he wasn't sure where they were coming from. Everything felt far away and unreal. His Life must have been extremely low.

Strangely enough they were calling Kirito's name. 

The energy from his sword felt like it was revitalizing him. 

His thoughts started to make sense again-

_ It can't be my blade, that doesn't make sense, I'm not doing this, then who- _

"Ki…"

Kirito.

The haze began to clear and his thoughts began to flow into logic again. 

He was giving Eugeo his Life.

"Eugeo," He tried to rip his hand from Kirito's, " _ please stop." _

He ignored his plea and kept struggling, “Eugeo, stop!” Eugeo's life wasn't worth his, not one thousand of his.

As more energy flowed into him, Eugeo struggled harder, but somehow Kirito held strong. Why did he choose  _ now  _ to be the stronger of the two of them. He doesn't understand, he will die if he-

"Yuu, I don't have much time, please, please just-"

Eugeo tries to kick Kirito off of him, but with horror he remembers his legs were cleanly removed from the rest of him. "Eugeo! Please, please stop it! Listen to me you idiot!" He can't see, Kirito is sitting on his chest. He strains further but Kirito uses his free hand to shove his down, his face close, and Eugeo knows he's blocking his line of sight on purpose.

"Kirito, kirito-I c-can't live without you, you can't do this, this is pointless, just leave me-"

"I  _ can't let you die!  _ Not when there's something I can do about it! _ "  _ He pinned Eugeo down more firmly as his own life drained further and further, "Don't you understa-"

"You can do it. Live dammit, you can do much more than you think-"

"Without you-"

" _ Stop- _ "

" _ Without you there's no point! _ "

His voice, rough with desperation bounced against the high walls, bringing silence in its wake. There are still voices from Stacia knows where in the distance. They aren't calling out to Kirito but they still sound panicked. Eugeo knew Kirito's strength and he wasn't this strong. He must have cast something to hold him down or at least keep his hands attached to him.

He'd never felt more helpless. Never. Not even when Alice was taken away. Not even when he’d almost died.

Not when Quinella used Eugeo, when she-

Not even then. 

His eyes were wide, trying to memorize every inch of Kirito's face. Even covered in dried blood, bruised, his hair matted and would probably need cutting after this -

There is no after -

His most guarded treasure and Eugeo had to lay there watching him die.

"Please don't leave me alone. Without you here-  _ alive,  _ there was no point to anything I've done since that day in the forest please please Eugeo,  _ please-  _ all of it for you. You're the reason I've made it this far-" 

He wasn't sure if he could hear anymore, his pallor was impossibly pale, his eyes weren't focused. He could almost hate Kirito for this. This wasn’t happening. Why was he always always like this? Selfless to the point of idiocy. Who cared if Eugeo died? No one did. Especially when it would derive the world of Kirito.

His body slumped over Eugeo's, and his voice mumbled into his ear, "I love you.."

_ Liar, then stay. _

"Really, I'm not lying," Eugeo hadn't meant to say that aloud, he didn’t want to fight with Kirito when he was probably dying "I promise."

He lets go of Eugeo's hands. His life is at its lowest point and his is barely a third. An entire life, gone.

“Kirito...I love you too.”

He mumbles, sounding unfocused, and Eugeo prays to Stacia that Kirito had heard him, "You did it, you saved us…"

"Kirito," he says softly, "I'm so sorry. This is my fault. Kirito? Are you here…?"

"Yeah," his voice barely a whisper, "I'm here..."

And then he isn't. Dead. Or about to be.

Eugeo doesn't make a sound as he hugs Kirito to him and though the other boy seems to be fading fast, Eugeo feels him press comfortably into the embrace.

He doesn't cry.

He just lays there. If he gives him this Life back it won't save him, not when he's this low.

Eugeo's mind drifts and he's unable to stop it, Kirito's body will fade away soon just like his consciousness.

He thinks maybe he'll stay here like this and maybe they'll die together if he stays long enough. 

A voice drifts through his haze.

He's tired. 

They're calling for him but he's  _ tired _ .

Golden hair floats through his vision.

He must've called out to Alice. How childish. Like a child reaching for comfort.

He has a moment where he thinks he's still in the strange empty nothingness and wonders if he's not dreaming, if this isn't hell. If this isn't a nightmare because he would never accept a world without Kirito. 

She hesitates before awkwardly placing a hand on Eugeo's shoulder. He thinks he probably looks nightmareish too, recently sewn back together.

And then her other hand reaches for something. He doesn't feel another touch so he assumes it's Kirito she’s reaching for.

She gasps.

"Kirito?" His eyes drift to the black in his vision.

"How strange" she mutters, "Eugeo? Are you alive as well?"

_ As well?  _

"Unfortunately," He chokes out, shifting slightly.

Her eyes snap to his, sharp and accusing, "Good, he needs help. His life is steadily rising but his brain activity…..isn't."

_ That's impossible he transferred it all so how would it rise. He should be dying. What did he do? There's no way to recover from the art I thought he'd used. Anything else he could've used or might've found...the consequences were not worth it. _

She continued checking him, "Yes...this is strange.." 

She didn't seem annoyed that he'd rambled over her. Perhaps because she'd seen him bisected. He's really not sure what he's been saying aloud and what's been in his head.

Eugeo's vision swam as he attempted to sit Kirito up, he had to -

" _ Stay. Down. _ "

He felt a healthy sensation of fear return at her tone. He laid back down.

"I refuse to let his sacrifice be in vain because  _ you _ ," he winces as she taps him on the head, "don't understand how he feels."

"I….apologize. I...this is a knee jerk reaction," He repeated the words Kirito had taught him years ago almost robotically and she gave a tight lipped smile, as though she'd heard the words before. He continued as Kirito had taught him to do when overwhelmed by voicing his thoughts, "I d-don't know how...how t-to- h-how to… to help him, I-I-"

Her eyes softened as she interrupts his stuttering, "Even I will likely have nightmares for a long time. The sight of you after...your…" she glanced downwards, probably making sure his bottom and upper halves were properly attached. She didn't know Eugeo. And he'd sacrificed any hope of retrieving those memories to save the three of them.

The Alice he knew was dead.

And Kirito was almost there.

Did he really save anyone?

He opened Kirito's Stacia window for lack of a response as Alice shifted him off of him to relieve the weight from his lungs. 

Seeing his life no longer at the tiniest sliver made him feel a little less like the world had ended.

"What do we do?" He doesn't think his voice had sounded that small since he'd lived in Rulid. Since his family's house.

Suddenly the doors burst open and there were quick steps and brass toned hair.

Moments passed and Eugeo assumed she had seen Kirito's window and she had definitely seen her sister. Alice made a surprised noise because instead of doing the million, billion useful things she was capable of, Selka cupped his cheek as she opened  _ Eugeo's _ Stacia window. 

Even at the end he tried to reassure Eugeo. Selka always does the same too. He wishes they'd stop.

"Eugeo," she murmured. 

_ I don't deserve her. _

"Eugeo shh, it's okay, you're okay...i-it's fine…"

He supposed in a case such as this they could only wait for him to wake up. His life had begun to regenerate already. 

_ Kirito almost died because of me. Again. And my sacrifice did nothing to protect him. Only put him in this state. Who knew when he'd wake up. If he'd wake up. _

He found himself curling up into her embrace as he sobbed, unable to keep quiet.

"It's okay," she kept saying, "He'll be okay, he'll wake up."

She was right, he wanted to believe she was right, that this was all just another in the long list of things they'd endured, but he couldn't even hold himself up and he slid back to the ground. He felt hot tears leak from his eyes as he lay on the cold floor, helpless. Eugeo had no illusions that he could control himself or his emotions at that moment. He could feel Quinella's grip- he could still feel Kirito's Life tingling in his hands. Kirito probably felt like this when he gave him the last of his. To fight like this.

With every movement dredging up emotions and feelings and it was so much.

It was probably that.

Where your life flashes before your eyes, where you try to come up with a way to save yourself by digging through every single thing you know.

He did his best to calm as Selka healed him further. He was distantly embarrassed, He hasn't acted like this in years. He's past all this.

  
  


_ I'm not, the Administrator was clear about that _

  
  


He feels pathetic as Selka wipes his face.

She looks up at me, small hands pressing into my knees, "Better?"

He nods even though he's not. They both won't be until Kirito wakes up.

If he wakes up. 

Eugeo couldn’t clearly say what happened after that. The new addition to the group - he still doesn’t know her name - she guides him onto a knight’s dragon. He thinks somewhere between leaving the castle and climbing on the dragon he meets some of the other knights. He wonders what they will do now that their leader is dead.

Eugeo finally understood the episodes Kirito went through where he didn’t seem all there, where he seemed to lose himself. Dissociation he called it. He said it wasn’t caused by pain, but Eugeo wasn’t sure if he was right about that.

He thinks people tried to ask him questions but he wasn’t certain. He definitely doesn’t remember answering.

The only thing he really remembers is Alice’s gaze on him. He let her stare. He didn’t care why she was so focused on him or what she was thinking.

He didn’t care.

He wasn’t sure where or when they landed or how long the flight was. He wanted to help bring Kirito down from the dragon but he still felt too weak to do anything other than stand and breathe. He was led past familiar doors, through a grand entryway.

Someone stopped them and he remembers trying to say something to her, he wasn’t sure what he was about to say, what he could possibly say. But then he feels her arms wrap around him and suddenly he needs to be free. He doesn’t want to lose that last feeling of Kirito’s arms on his. He pushes her away rather hard and he can feel his eyes stinging as ice begins to form around them.

Selka was there pulling him backwards but he couldn’t budge, he didn’t know what he was doing. Alice’s golden hair filled his vision then, blocking him, protecting him, and he dropped like a puppet with its strings cut.

When he next wakes it is less painful to crack his eyes open. For one blissful, beautiful moment, he feels at peace. Someone had placed him next to Kirito in the bed and his face had been pressed against his friend’s front, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed incredibly calming. Eugeo was not quite awake, but not awake enough to remember where he was or what had transpired in the last few days of his life.

He stares at the ceiling as he remembers.

He breathes. He reminds himself Kirito and Selka are alive. The Administrator is dead. And he feels a strange pain at the thought.

He still feels incredibly weak and he finds himself unable to even remember much of what happened after he cried on Selka like a child.

Eugeo lets out a soft sigh as he recognizes the room they are in, sunlight drifting in.

They ended up back at their dorms in Centoria. He was in his room. He almost tried to kill Lady Azurica yesterday. Amazing that they were left as is. Maybe Kirito had told Azurica something before he left.Or maybe they were lucky. He briefly wondered why they came here of all places.

It was quiet. Eugeo wanted to stay here like this forever, and maybe once forever was over, Kirito would wake up and Alice would regain her memories, and Selka would…

He loosely wrapped an arm around Kirito’s middle and closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

He stubbornly ignored Alice sitting on the floor near the door, staring at them. He wasn’t ready to face someone else he’d failed.

Eugeo only slept for a small while before violently waking up. All he remembered of the dream were peaceful fields, a large tree, and lilac lilac lilac.

He clambered out of the room and to the bathroom only to vomit what little was in his stomach. He cleaned his face and washed out his mouth and tried to stop shaking. Eugeo found he didn’t like who he’d become without Kirito. It hadn’t even been that long, he was pathetic. Unnecessary. None of which were new thoughts to him. Though he thought he’d moved past these feelings.

He jumped as Alice’s voice sounded from the doorway, “Eugeo...san?”

He looked at her, avoiding meeting her eyes. He wondered why she looked so timid. Had he been so terrible when they last spoke?

“Just,” it hurt his throat to speak, his voice coming out in a quiet rasp, “Eugeo is okay.”

“Are you alright?”

He didn’t answer, merely nodding, not wanting to verbally lie. He was starting to sweat, the door was blocked by Alice’s tall frame and he suddenly didn’t want to be in the small room anymore.

She inhaled sharply as the temperature dropped, and moved away from the doorway, “Eugeo, you should rest more. We can talk more once it is light.”

Eugeo felt bad, the girls had slept on the floor and sofa and he had taken the bed. As he walked back to his room he felt the floor tilt below his feet and Alice was at his side in a second.   
“......Eugeo? You’re still not well. Rest. I will wake you, don’t worry.”

Alice hears him mutter under his breath but he lets her help him which is a huge improvement compared to the day before.

The only reason they had even stopped in Centoria was because Eugeo almost fell off the dragon while they were still airborne and looked as though he would murder anyone who came within a mel of him. She sorely misses the sweet boy who appeared at the castle and keeps finding more reasons to hate Her Eminence.

Eugeo seems to pass out as he hits the bed. She opens his Stacia window, his Life had increased through rest and he did not seem to have a fever. Once he slept more she would try to get him some food. She felt they may need to stay put for a few days. She too felt light headed if she moved without care.

Selka stirred hours later.

She looked, both worried and relieved, to see both her sister and Eugeo still sleeping. Neither were the type to sleep this much which meant they both were still unwell. She pressed her ear to Kirito’s chest just to hear his heartbeat. Ever since his attack in Rulid she’d found it immensely comforting to hear. And now, not knowing when or how to wake him...she needed to hear it. She made her way back to their living room, lost in her own thoughts.

Not long later, Alice came and sat in their living room.

“Where is the strange girl? Cardinal…?”

“Oh, she said she was going to--”

Loud knocks pounded on the door and the sisters stiffened, Alice going for her sword as Selka opened the door.

“Selka!” Suddenly she was trapped between two girls.

“Tiese, Ronye?”

“Are you okay, Miss Azurica told us you were here, what happened-- Eugeo-senpai!!”

Eugeo had almost hidden behind Alice, the noise probably waking him.

Selka tensed, prepared to kick the two well meaning girls out if they accidentally set Eugeo off again.

They hadn’t seen him yesterday.

His voice was rough and extremely hard to hear when he let out a mere, “Hello..”

In any other situation she would laugh at the sight of Eugeo hiding behind his sister from two girls who adored him but these were his friends. Why was he scared? Eugeo was a little timid sometimes but this was...something else.

She had to give their friends credit though, they took it all in stride.

“Eugeo we were worried you two would forget about us. Is Kirito here too?”

The silence grew cold and Selka quickly answered, “Yeah! He’s sleeping...uh.”

Tiese cut in this time, “Oh! Sorry for intruding then. Would you let us bring you something to eat? You missed breakfast. And lunch.”

“That would be great. You’re both the best.”

They grinned, “But really, later tell us why you look like you’re on the run.”

“Hmmm, maybe.” Selka answered, non committedly, “Now out with you. See you in a few hours.”

She let out a huge sigh as the door shut.

“Who knew I’d have to be the sociable one in the group,” She flops back onto the sofa, Alice sitting near her again. Eugeo sits on the floor near the window, so that he can see into the bedroom.

Occasionally he presses his hand to his stomach as if expecting something, then goes back to pretending he’s reading. After about thirty minutes of this, Alice grabs his hand.

“Stop that.”

Eugeo rips his hand out of her grip.

“ _ Sister,  _ ” Selka hisses.

“What. I am not one to stand by and watch someone injure themselves.”

“I’m not-” "He's not-"   
“You expect pain when you do it. That’s exactly where...your wound was.”

“I don’t expect anything.”

She scoffs

Eugeo scowls, “Is there a point to this conversation?”

“You give up so easily. You’re sitting here  _ moping _ when - from what I know of you - you would normally be looking for a way to help Kirito.”

His eyes track Selka as she wanders into the bedroom, she grips Kirito’s hand as he checks on him and he feels a stab of jealousy.

“Why should I look when I’m the cause of all this? When if it weren’t for me he wouldn’t be like that? If getting myself cut in half again would wake him up I’d do it. Maybe this time I’ll  _ stay _ dead.”

He doesn’t regret what he says until he hears Selka’s shaky breaths from the other room.

Something had been ripped out of him in the Administrator’s rooms under Her care and he doesn’t think it ever went back in right.

He feels himself shaking.

Maybe all this started long before the cathedral.

Maybe it started under the tree in the field, with Kirito telling him he was good, that he mattered.

Maybe it started when they were kids. Because he knows now. The only good thing to come from his almost death was that he remembered--properly.

It wasn’t just him and Alice. It was he, Alice, and Kirito. They had all grown up together and he had the nerve to forget most of it.

He knows he’s betraying his friends with his words, that they hurt.

“I….”

Eugeo found it hard to breathe as he let his head lean against the wall.

Alice gripped his hands hard until his breaths evened out.

“...I’m sorry. I’m sorry Selka…”

“You’re allowed to feel this way. I’m glad you survived. I quite liked the little knight that followed me around the castle like a creep.”

“Alice….I don’t want to think anymore.”

“Then don’t. Rest. This time I will protect you.” 

She then lifted Eugeo and he was startled to feel his face heating up. Alice was quite strong. He stayed quiet as she put him back in bed and placed his book on the bedside table in case he truly wanted to read. Selka quietly sat to the side of him and took his hand but she didn't say anything.

He gripped her hand back in apology. He knew he had to find his self control and soon before he really said something that couldn't be smoothed over.

Though in Selka's eyes he'd already reached that point. 

When he wakes for the third time there is food. 

He manages some of the vegetables before he places his fork down. 

"You have to eat more than that."

Selka spoons more onto his plate and Eugeo shrinks into his chair, genuinely not feeling hungry.

"I'm alright… don't even feel hungry. "

She stares at him, he hadn't eaten since before his fight with the Administrator aside from a few bites of bed.

He eventually tries again as Alice and Selka are almost done eating but merely manages another piece of potato. 

Selka stares gently at him, "Either you pick up your fork and eat more, or I mash the whole thing up and I’ll have to force it down your throat."

When even that doesn't motivate them she eventually does do what she threatens. The feeling of someone pressing on his shoulders, holding him still, is unpleasant and he feels tears fall from his eyes as he fights his flight response. He remembers a small tea table, lilac hair falling around him and a hand running through his hair. He knows he has to eat but he can't make himself do it. So now he's burdening Selka with this too and forcing her to do something clearly unpleasant for his sake.

He’s pathetic.

She wipes his face when she's done. 

"Shh…don’t cry, it's not your fault…"

"It is… it is I'm sorry Selka."

Alice had been polite and began washing the dishes to give them space. 

"Eugeo… you have nothing to apologize for. Even if you did, I forgive you."

"That's stupid…"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Back to bed with you."

".... why are we here? "

"Sleep."

Eugeo sighs. His momentary interest is gone as he is ushered back to bed.

Selka stares out the window, "I can't believe we got him to sleep."

"I can't believe you force fed him."

"....m-me either. He looked so scared but, he didn't really fight me...he hasn't eaten anything and I can't...lose him too…"

Alice rushes over to her sister enveloping her in a hug before she realizes what she's doing. An instinct she didn't know she had.

"I think...Eugeo will do anything asked of him right now. I have suspicions that the Administrator may have done something further to him when he was...synthesized. He was alone with her constantly."

They had voiced what they hadn't said near Eugeo. They weren't sure how to wake Kirito. They weren't sure if he would wake on his own.They weren't sure how to help Eugeo.

Selka was scared. She wanted her brothers back. She wasn't scared of Eugeo but she was terrified for him.

"Nee-chan...I..I mean...Alice-"

"It's okay if you want to call me sister. I may not remember but you must have been incredibly precious to me. I can tell."

Selka blinks back tears as she hugs her sister, "What happened to Eugeo…? What really happened?"

So they spoke, longer than Selka had ever dreamed of talking with her sister. By the time Alice had finished talking about Eugeo, she seemed tired, but Selka wanted to say something too.

"You were right by the way."

Alice looked at her questioningly, "You were right when to stop him from poking at...his wound."

She frowned.

"I won't go into details but…it was bad when we were younger."

"Kirito would never let that go on...and neither would you. You both seem to care so much for him," Her eyes widen as the realization hits her, "Because of...me?"

Selka nodded as she looked over Kirito.

"Let me be clear. It wasn’t your fault. He had a lot of other things going on and your arrest was just a breaking point. His parents found him behind the barn shed with his arms bleeding...and they told everyone in the village. At first I thought it was for his protection, so everyone would keep an eye on him, that they were trying to take care of him but...his parents shunned him. They didn't treat him the same even though no other incidents ever happened. Then his brothers followed their example. And then the rest of the village."

“How could parents treat their own son that way?” Alice burst out.

Selka merely shrugged before laughing to herself, “Back in Rulid...at one point I basically stopped Kirito from ripping their heads off. Actually I think he might’ve done worse if I didn’t speak up first.”

“Kirito? He didn’t seem  _ that _ rash during the time we spent together.”

“Oh boy. You have no idea.”

  
  


Eugeo woke up feeling a little like the fog over his head had lifted.

“Selka,” he winces at how rough his voice sounds.

Her auburn locks poked through the doorway, then the rest of her edged timidly in.

Eugeo stood gingerly and was glad to feel no dizziness, “Come rest in bed? I feel fine.”

She looked rightfully doubtful, but nodded and sat, dumping her socks and outer coat in a heap onto the floor.

Eugeo would have to ask Ronye or Tiese if she could borrow a change of clothes. There was no way he was letting her run around in the same clothes for so long. Kirito would skin him for letting her sleep in such a condition. 

She sat staring at her shoes.

“C’mon, in you go.”

She looked up at him, eyes big as she reaches for him. Eugeo feels his breath catch, a shiver of fear running through him and it takes everything in him to take a tiny step forward to let her hug him. His hands shake as he pets her hair.

“It’ll be okay Eugeo...we’ll take care of Kirito and we’ll take care of you. Don’t worry.”

Selka feels scared because Eugeo is afraid and neither she nor Alice knows exactly what the Administrator did and they feared asking. She knew she’d have to tread carefully. She also knew they needed a break. After seeing what had happened with Azurica they didn’t want to push him too far, if not for their own safety, then for Eugeo’s.

She’s hoping she can get Eugeo unafraid of touch again, little by little.

Eugeo shifts, seeming uncomfortable, and Selka releases him and crawls into bed. His face looks a little pale as he pulls the blanket over her and lingers, staring at Kirito for a long moment.

He doesn’t say anything as he leaves the room.

In the end it takes three days before they are all fully rested. Tiese and Ronye visit Kirito and talk to him, telling him what they’d been doing for the past few weeks since they’d last seen him.

The next morning Eugeo quietly asks if they can move further from the capitol.

Selka is quick to acquiesce and suggest they go back to Zakkaria. She is sad when even that idea doesn’t put a smile on his face. She misses his smiles.

They have no trouble moving back into their house in Zakkaria,

“Thank you so much...You have no idea how much this home meant to us…”

“Oh Selka, you’ve helped us so much. I hope little Kirito feels better soon.”

“...Thank you. Thank you.”

“And Eugeo-kun as well.”

In a way, Selka thought Eugeo looked more worrying than Kirito. At least Kirito looked mostly the same, but unconscious.

The three glance across the road to where an armorless Alice waits with Kirito, whose hand is in turn gripping the cloth of Eugeo’s coat. These instinctive movements have been giving them hope that he would wake soon. 

In reality, though, he has only been doing two things. He reaches for Eugeo if he wanders too far, which makes things like walking, sleeping, or doing anything, rather troublesome, but Eugeo didn’t make a single complaint and always stayed close. Perhaps it’s because right before Kirito fell into his sleep, he thought Eugeo was all but dead.

The second thing he does instinctively is eat. And that fact eases a lot of possible issues. He sleeps and eats and the other things, they can take care of for him.

The days pass peacefully in Zakkaria. Word comes that Her Eminence has passed and her knights have collectively taken up leadership.

One day Sir Eldrie sweeps over the town and begs for Alice to return. They are going to plan their fight against the Dark Territory soon.

“Sorry Eldrie, but...I have concerns to take care of. Give Uncle my regards.”

With every day that passed, Kirito seemed to wake bit by bit. He still hadn’t been able to speak aside from the wail he would make when Eugeo wandered too far for too long. The sound was heartbreaking enough that sometimes Selka would run to the fields to escape it.

Alice had taken it upon herself to basically babysit the boys, and they refused to let Eugeo work, so it was up to Selka to pick up jobs.

She found she enjoyed being responsible for all of them rather than being cared for. Though she wouldn’t mind being spoiled by her brothers again, she wanted to take care of them more.

They never did get Eugeo to talk about what happened with the Administrator. And though he put on a brave face from the moment they left Centoria, Selka knew that things hadn’t improved from how he had been doing after Kirito saved him.

She tries her hardest to put together the pieces from what Alice has said, from how Kirito had acted in the tower, from what she learned from the other knights.

But all she can think is that he has part of his memory missing.

But according to him, he doesn’t, he actually remembers more ever since the incident.

She then takes it to mean that if a memory wasn’t used to synthesize him, and her Art didn’t work, then it must be a feeling. That would mean that there was no truth to reveal. What feeling could she possibly have taken from him to make Eugeo so...lifeless?

Such thoughts haunted her every day as she watched Eugeo struggle to smile, struggle to let people even stand near him.

Every day that passed made Eugeo think he’d never see Kirito awake again. On the other hand, the constant grip he kept on him gave him hope. He feared he would forget how his voice sounded when he spoke instead of the nonverbal noises he tended to make now. He feared he would forget how emotions looked on his face.

One day Eugeo falls asleep on the couch in the spot Selka normally sits in. He dreams of fields of lilac.

_ Repeat after me, dear. System Call. Remove Core Protection. _

_ why am i doing this-- _

_ Remember Eugeo, I love you. I’m the only one that will give you what you want. Everyone up until now has used you, haven’t they. _

_ no no no that’s not true-- _

_ but it is _

He wakes to screams as he feels hands pressing him into the flowers, and disgusting human warmth coming closer to him.

“ _ Get off me--!” _

“Eugeo!!”

Eugeo wakes with a gasp. Something is scaring Selka. But his hand is covered in ice and Quinella is there, she’s there, and he won’t let her touch him. She doesn’t get to  _ win- _

He blinks and the image of Her dissipates, and it’s Kirito, and his blade is pressed to his neck. He carefully steps backwards, Selka practically dragging him, and drops his sword to the floor.

Eugeo startles himself with the noise, moving to the furthest corner of the room from Kirito.

“No...no no no…” he mutters to himself. Selka looks too scared to approach him as Eugeo tries to regain control and recall his sword’s art.

Alice looks like she wants to come closer, but doesn’t move.

He rocks gently back and forth, letting his eyes focus on Kirito’s breathing and his ears on the quiet creak of the wooden beams of the house.

In the background he hears a wailing noise and he’s scared, he almost hurt someone. He pulls the ice further in and he realizes it’s him making the noise--

“Eugeo...Eugeo stop!”

He stops.

The blue rose’s ice surrounds him, enclosing him.

It’s quiet and both sisters move towards him, worried.

“Kirito,” his voice cracks, “please come back...please…”

Selka feels her heart break in two as Eugeo crawls back across the living room.

“I can’t do this. Look? You didn’t finish saving me. Look how fucked up I am. Look what She did to me. Please come back...you hate leaving things unfinished like this, right?”

He grabs Kirito’s hand and it feels warm enough that the ice melts.

Once he’s calm and seated on the couch, he looks Selka in the eyes.

“Selka...I had a nightmare.”

“...Yes. I noticed.”

“I think I know what Q-Quinella did...t-to me.”

Selka sits up straight, all signs of tiredness fleeing her face.

“What?”

“She...made me think she- as she fucked with my memories she based the m-module on one idea, that no one cared about me and she was the only one who did. Maybe some of that is still left because. This...t-this.."

She nods encouragingly

“She...she made me think no one cares,” Eugeo pulls his knees up to his chest, “I’m all alone.”

“Yuu...no no that’s not true. Now that we know what it is. I can fix this. Now.”

Selka makes true on her statement, picking up her swords and giving Eugeo no warning.

Before he knows it, there is a module, glowing a sickly purple, sitting in his lap.

“Do we...need to keep this?”

“No. No of course not, I can dispose of it if you want, Eugeo?”

He walks calmly outside, taking a deep breath of fresh air. He feels the wind on his face. He runs all the way out to the empty fields past the farmland and casts no less than ten burst elements on it. It is so strong that it still has pieces with Life left, so he brings it back home and puts it in a jar for when he is angry again later.

“Eugeo?”

“Yeah?”   
“...Do you feel any better?”

“......Not really.”

She nods and this time when she hugs him, he hugs her back.

That evening Eugeo offers to cook dinner.

The sisters agree and they are sitting with Kirito, leaving him to his devices when a strange noise comes from their direction. They are quiet so he doesn’t think much of it.

The noise happens again.

“...E...uge...o”

The voice was rough, disturbing in its tones and almost inaudible and Eugeo drops what he’s doing to kneel at Kirito’s feet. 

“Kirito? Are you awake?”

Kirito lets out another rasp and Selka appears with water.

He spills some on his tunic but once he is done his eyes look the tiniest bit more aware.

He’s frowning and staring at Eugeo, his eyes drooping occasionally.

“Selka?” His voice is so quiet that she has to lean in and he whispers something to her.

“Oh! Oh Kirito, I missed you. Alice?” She laughs wetly then whispers to Alice next, and she nods standing behind Kirito slipping her arms behind him.

Eugeo blinks as Selka taps him on the shoulder only to turn his face to her and have a hand smack him in the forehead.

“Ow--what the--”

“The smack was from Kirito.”

Eugeo doesn’t have a chance to complain before suddenly he has an armful of Kirito who is too weak to stand so they fall completely to the ground.

Eugeo loses most of his brain functions then, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“Eugeo, you’re alive, you’re alive--”

“You woke up...you finally woke up…”

Another weight falls on them and he faintly recognizes Selka saying much the same.

After a few moments, Kirito slurs out, “Is that...dinner I’m smelling burning?”

Selka jumps to her feet, running to turn off the fire Eugeo had left on.

“Ah. Shit.”

  
  
  
  
  



	2. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of talking-

Alice would have loved to say that things changed when Kirito woke up but most things stayed the same. Kirito recovered slowly and sometimes he couldn't quite parse how much time had passed. His confusion seemed to be at its worst when he'd first wake in the mornings or when he was stressed. Considering he had violent nightmares, the two tended to overlap more than any would like. 

Selka theorized that his brain would readjust as time passed. She hated to admit it, even to herself, but she wasn't quite sure why Kirito was alive. She feared that one day, nature would realize it's error and take the Life it was due. She had questions for Eugeo but she was scared to press him for  _ any _ answers about anything until his mind healed as well.

What the Administrator had done was not gentle or pretty and where the other integrity knights' modules made her uneasy, the one she had helped remove from Eugeo made her ill.

She wondered if the Eugeo she sees now is who he would have been all along if Kirito had never appeared. 

She thought herself in circles until Alice sent her out to check on the elderly couple who had helped her with the house. She knew it was just a thinly veiled excuse to get her out before Kirito woke up but she took it. She could handle a lot, but not that.

So far the mornings had brought an inconsolable Kirito, who thinks Eugeo is dead and Eugeo calling his name until his head catches up to the fact that he had saved him. So far the event has left Kirito tired and listless for hours until he remembers he wants to pretend to be cheerful. But so far, there were tiny improvements day by day.

That morning he woke with a shudder, breathing heavily as though he forced himself awake.

"Kirito?" Eugeo calls, quietly.

"Eugeo? Is this a dream?"

A hopeful change in the usual pattern but in a way Eugeo finds this more painful.

“Kirito, are you awake? I’m sorry, this is my fault…” 

Kirito rolls onto his side, eyes cloudy, “What’s your fault?”

“That you’re….hurt.”

“That’s not your fault. I don’t regret what I did.”

“It’s also my fault that Alice still doesn’t have her memories back.”

“Your choice to do that...saved our lives. You held on long enough for help to come.”

Eugeo blinked. He knew they were saved but he had completely forgotten to ask who had helped them. He had only glimpsed her for a moment before the Administrator dealt him a fatal wound. He would ask Alice today. He was feeling oddly present for the morning.

“...It’s also my fault that…” Kirito made a questioning hum as he struggled to lift a hand, letting it fall lightly on Eugeo’s waist, “I almost hurt you. I almost...killed you. More than once.”

“Eugeo,” Kirito mumbled, eyes finally clear with recognition, “You really think you can get rid of me that easily?” He shuffles closer and Eugeo doesn’t move, his back at the edge of the bed in his attempt to give Kirito as much space from him as possible.

“I was aware. Vaguely. It's kind of fuzzy. But never once did I feel in danger from you when I couldn’t move.”

“But-”

“And Eugeo? You wouldn’t have hurt me back at the cathedral either. I trust you.”

“...”

Eugeo takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He doesn’t know how to respond. He wants to argue. But he also feels immeasurably tired.

“Is there anything else you’d like to say to me?”

Eugeo feels his eyes burn at the teasing tone he missed so much. He opens his eyes to respond.

“I’m sor--”

Kirito cuts him off with a gentle press of his lips against Eugeo’s. He stays for a moment before leaning back, “You sounded like you were going to apologize for something and I already said it’s not your fault. In fact you sounded like you were going to argue with me. That would be insane, we both know I'm right.”

“But I--”

Kirito kisses him again, pressing his palms to Eugeo’s cheeks. For Eugeo, the touch is so gentle that the burn he first felt in his eyes spreads from there to his chest. 

“Please, if you insist on arguing...then let me at least take half the blame. Half the fault is mine if there is any. For Alice. For myself. For all three of us."

“No, Kirito you didn’t--”

Kirito rolls them towards the other end of the bed, pinning Eugeo down. This time he doesn’t do anything, just stares at Eugeo until the other can’t take it anymore.

“Well?”

He startles a laugh out of Kirito, “Well, what?”

Eugeo’s voice is shaky as he complains, “You’re being exceptionally rude today. You won’t let me say anything-”

“Not if it hurts you, no-” He leans down butting his nose affectionately against Eugeo’s.

“And now when I’m practically letting you…”

“Hm, letting me what? What is it? You know if you want anything you can just ask.”

“And you’re m-mean.”

The tears finally find their way out of Eugeo’s eyes and Kirito shushes him as he holds him.

“Shh. Yes yes, I am mean.”

Eugeo calms down eventually, his heart feeling a bit lighter.

Kirito’s grip is still tight, but not painfully so as he moves to wrap his arms around Eugeo, burying his face in his tunic. He says something but it is lost in the folds of Eugeo’s clothing. 

“What was that?”

Kirito tilts his face upwards, “Do you want to hear...about my amnesia?”

“Of course but...now?”

“Is there a better time?”

Eugeo thinks about how spectacularly he’d broken after thinking he’d lost Kirito for good.

“....no.”

“Alright.” Kirito’s grip tightens, as if trying to keep Eugeo there, “So. I’m not from these...lands.”

“That part I figured out,” Eugeo shifts as much as Kirito will let him before running a reassuring hand through his hair. Kirito leans into the touch.

“And I’m not from the Dark Territory.”

“Oh yeah, I did ask you that once, didn’t I…”

“I guess the people of this world,” and the phrasing had Eugeo tense, “would call it...the sacred realm…?”

Eugeo felt all his upper thought crawl to a stop.

“...huh?”

“But that’s not exactly it...either? Um. So. The sacred realm isn’t really the sacred realm. It’s another world full of more humans, like you. And over there, this world was…….created? Eugeo?”

“Um. I’m okay, keep going.” Kirito takes a deep breath, his arms squeezing around him.

“Hey. Loosen up a bit. Don’t worry. I won’t leave you again. So. The Human Realm...the Dark Territory...was created? How?”

Eugeo watches as his face turns a lovely shade of red before he clears his throat to continue, “Okay. Yeah. Alright.” Kirito then proceeds to explain Rath, explain the concept of virtual reality and artificial intelligence.

“So....I’m not real?”

“No. No, no no. Listen to me Eugeo. I’m from over there, but right now, my...soul is in the exact same form as yours. A cube in the light cluster. We’re the same. You’re real. You’re the most important thing in the world to me.”

Pointedly, and frustratingly logically, Eugeo responds, “In this world?”

“In  _ any _ world.”

Eugeo feels so warm, “You have family over there don’t you? Friends? Your...partner?”

“And now I have you as well. I’m incredibly lucky. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Clearly, you wouldn’t survive. Which...by the way. I wouldn’t either. Kirito. Promise me...you won’t leave again?”

“I won’t. Never again.”

“You said that last time…What about when you have to go back?”

Kirito is quiet before he sits them both up. Eugeo is happy to see him gaining his strength back.

“Kirito?”

“Eugeo...would you like to come with me? I won't leave you, we can stay together as long as you want. Forever if you want.”

And Eugeo feels something in him spark to life, after weeks of feeling lonely, unloveable, and disposable. Going with Kirito would be like going on an adventure. He’d be going to  _ another world _ . But he’d be leaving everything behind. But he didn’t want to be separate from Kirito again.

Eugeo nods shyly, "I do...let me think about it some more," and Kirito finally finally smiles. Eugeo has a moment of recognition.

“Does this mean I’ve had a crush on a god for--”

Eugeo cuts himself off, but Kirito had already heard him loud and clear, “Wait! What are you saying?? You’re not allowed to call me a god,” he shudders theatrically, “But exactly how long did you have a crush on me?” he teased, kind of knowing the answer but wanting to hear Eugeo say it.

“....back when my eye issue started…”

Kirito lets out a wild delighted laugh.

They stay in bed for a long time talking. Eventually Kirito chooses to get up, Eugeo staying in bed, he manages exactly two steps into the living room.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better Kirito!”

Selka gives him a big smile, “How did you know? I didn’t even say anything.”

“You two only stay alone for so long when you’re doing your gross kissing so-”

“Selka, what the hell, we were  _ talking _ -”

“So you can tell me truthfully and with a straight face that you didn’t?”

Kirito stays quiet.

“Wanna hear about my amnesia? Where’s Alice?”

Selka turns towards him slowly.

“Okay. I suppose that isn’t the worst way you could change the topic. She'll be back soon, she's sending a letter to Sir Eldrie."

Kirito nods knowingly, even though he has no clue who he is and why Alice is writing him. Selka giggles, "You're in a good mood today."

Kirito blushes, he still can't believe how well his conversation with Eugeo went. And that he still wanted to be by his side.

"Hm. Nevermind, I don't want to know what you two were doing in there."

" _ Talking! _ "

Selka shoots Kirito the most disbelieving, doubtful, scathing look he's ever seen from her normally gentle face. 

"Really! About my amnesia!"

"Kiri...brother of mine. You're telling me that you watched him die, then almost died saving his life, then shared a bed with him for weeks after and you did nothing?"

"No, I didn't." Kirito was starting to feel how he felt when he first started dating Asuna. Why did everyone think he cared about sex so much?

"I promise I'm not trying to judge you or your relationship, I'm just surprised."

Kirito took a deep breath and tried to look at the situation objectively.

"It's not the first thing I think of when I have him to myself. I usually think about how...um. I usually mostly just try to hug him."

"You...are an angel sent by Stacia herself."

Kirito looked away, uncomfortable with the phrasing.

"Truly. Good to see you up, Kirito. Eugeo?"

"Hey Alice, he's napping." Kirito felt himself deflate a little at that. No matter the progress they'd made today, he still needed to dig through more and more of what the Administrator had done to Eugeo.

"Alice, come sit, let me tell you about where I'm from."

She could tell this was important from the way Selka sat on her hands, sitting as still as possible. Had they travelled with him for so many years and not knew his background? She sat.

  
  


"So...we're not real?"

"Why is that the first thing-- you're real. Extremely real. My soul is in the exact same form as yours. A cube in the light cluster. We’re the same. Equals."

"Were you not really risking your life back at the Cathedral? Would nothing happen if your Life decreased to zero?"

"I am almost certain I would die."

Selka looked sick at the mention of his death.

"Is that why you were able to bring back Yuu?"

"No...that was because of that crystal he gave me. I'm...surprised it worked."

Alice looked down in thought. She set aside Kirito's harmful tendencies for a later conversation.

"Cardinal did say that in essence the crystal Eugeo made was harmless and should have just held the smallest sliver of life. But perhaps your strong feelings for each other influenced it."

Kirito's mind immediately flashed to his studies at the academy.

"We imposed our will on it...and it started holding more of Eugeo's Life?"

Selka frowned, "No...maybe. Eugeo wanted you safe so the crystal sucked up Life to be more of a shield for you...leaving him with less. And you…"

"I wanted to be closer to him so...the emotional connection got stronger as its Life grew…"

"That's as good a theory as any. So when Cardinal used it as the basis for a ressucitation spell, it used its Life to reverse the damage done to him," Kirito tried his hardest to block the image of Eugeo cut in half from his mind as Alice spoke, "and it formed a real link between you two. He didn't die...so you couldn't either."

"So I regained my Life because he did."

Eugeo's voice sounded from the stairwell, "So if we came here...and I didn't get any better, Kirito would have died?"

"....It is likely."

"Sister…"

"I apologize. We have too much information sitting unsaid between us. We  _ must _ talk through all of this. I spoke with Sir Eldrie recently and there has been news of a gathering of forces within the Dark Territory. I am going to help and you never know what knowledge will come in handy."

"Alright. Fine. Continue. It is likely that Eugeo and Kirito could have both died at any point."

"Eugeo...why hadn't you already died?"

Eugeo unthinkingly takes a seat next to Alice and they all stare in slight shock. It's the closest he'd allowed anyone except Kirito since the day he had woken.

"I took a memory from the ceiling in the tower. It's where she stored all of them, even the ones she didn't need. And then I infused my blue rose sword with it. It made me strong enough to at least withstand her attacks. For a little, at least."

"So we can use memories as power-"

"No! Once you use it the way I did...it's gone. Forever. I'm sorry. The memory I used...it's yours. Alice…it was the only one I could..."

"Don't worry yourself so. I remember a little of my synthesis. I don't believe my case would've been so simple as restoring the memory node as with the other knights."

"Oh...right. She told me I think. That she had to...wipe you she said."

"She what?!" Kirito was outraged, that anyone could just...completely destroy another person, make them forget everything.

"Just so." Alice ignored Kirito, she was fine and would be fine. She had regained what she'd lost in any case, because her three lost treasures were in the room with her.

"She wanted to try that with me too, but then she said I was too interesting and ended up… adjusting me-" 

Selka whispered, "Eugeo are you okay? There's….ice…"

"Eh? I'm...fine?" He looked across the room. His sword sat sheathed and he felt nothing. Nothing except…

"Kirito…? It's okay. I'm fine now. Selka took the module out, remember?"

Kirito took a shaky breath, "Yeah, I remember," the ice began to dissipate.

Selka grabbed his hand and he gripped it back, "I suppose that confirms the link. Why hadn't we noticed sooner?"

Alice spoke reluctantly, "I think because they are both...more present today. So far one has been sleeping or distant and I suppose today was different for you two?"

Kirito's blush makes a full return but neither girl gets a chance to tease him as Eugeo lets out a small laugh. Kirito looks like he's been handed ten years worth of birthday presents in that moment and Eugeo clears his throat, "Not particularly. Anyway, the Administrator," and the mood only further lightens because Eugeo has laughed  _ and  _ spoken about the Administrator with scorn in his voice, "didn't do that to me. She… brainwashed me I suppose. She sure had a lot of time on her hands."

"Yet you think memory doesn't equal power?"

"I think… the strength of the memory is what matters. We don't have to use or destroy memories, just draw power from them. What were you thinking about when you shielded Kirito from her attacks?"

"I was thinking about the strange knight who followed me around and knew a creepy amount about me. And how mad he would be if something happened to his boyfriend. And how scary he is when he's mad."

Nothing was said for a moment and Selka internally cheered. Her two fools didn't deny being called boyfriends. She would have ripped her hair out if they did. Alice smiled wide and almost threateningly. They couldn't argue with her after they'd confessed their literal and quite present undying love for each other in front of her.

"...you've never seen me mad." Eugeo pouted and Alice found it quite cute. She hadn't seen this side to Eugeo yet and she was finding it quite endearing. She knew he wasn't completely well and wouldn't be for a while, but she was glad to see improvement. She would have to take Kirito to the bakery to thank him.

"If the strength of it is what matters then maybe we can stop the Dark Forces before they breach our doorstep.."

Kirito had quite the frown as he interjected, "Why can't we just negotiate?"

"That would be ideal but you'd have to convince the knights to do so."

"So let's do that?"

Selka has a serene look on her face, as if she had already known what Kirito would suggest. Eugeo continued to pick at loose threads on his clothing.

"Alright. Once you two are better we will take a trip back to the cathedral. And we must contact Cardinal as well to let her know how you two are."

"Who?" Kirito and Eugeo questioned.

"The one who saved us. Kirito spoke with her briefly."

"Oh...she helped me when…" the temperature in the room felt a bit colder. Selka scrambled to distract him.

"Is there anything else anyone is keeping to themselves? No more admissions of strange powers or being from another world?"

"Oh good, you told them."

"How long did you know?"

"This morning."

"Oh then you two really  _ were _ just talking."

" _ Selka- _ "

"I want to take a nap. Are we all on the same page now? At least until we meet this Cardinal?"

"Fine, but just because you're some other worldly being, don't think I'll agree this easily every time."

Kirito grins, "Don't call me that."

Alice senses the challenge in his voice and she has the strangest urge to tease him. Like she wanted to bother him and get under his skin. Her hand itches for her sword, "How are you feeling? Perhaps in a few days we should have a practice duel."

Selka and Eugeo roll their eyes, "I'd enjoy that."

And Kirito closes his eyes then and there.

"Kiri...at least go to bed."

He let's out a pitiful whine, "No."

Alice frowns, "You can't move can you?"

"...no."

Every since awakening Kirito was easily fatigued. Sometimes it would hit him slowly, gave him enough time to get himself to bed, but it seemed that day it hit quickly and without mercy.

Eugeo's heart did something funny in his chest as he watched Alice heft Kirito into her arms. He wasn't sure if he was jealous of Kirito or Alice but he filed away the fact that Alice was ridiculously strong for later.

As they left Eugeo idly picked up the book left on the table and placed it in his lap and opened it. He'd at least pretend to read. He suddenly felt tired and it only leant more credence to the idea that he and Kirito were linked somehow.

"Selka, it's rude to stare."

And he felt guilty that even such a bland, snarky statement could make her smile.

"Sorry."

"...it's okay."

"Eugeo?" He tightened his grip around the book, he knew what she was going to ask, "Can I hug you?"

She hadn't stopped trying to get him reacclimated to being touched and he still wasn't sure why he was so adverse. They had just been talking about the Administrator and he could practically feel her hands on his shoulders, his back, as she  _ reformatted  _ him. He would only let Kirito that close right then.

"...sorry, I don't think it's a good idea right now."

"That's fine. Thank you for being honest."

She was still smiling.

"But," her eyes were wide and was he really worrying her this much? "Maybe later? And...can we maybe go for a walk..?" His voice was soft and a little nervous and she was ecstatic to hear him reach out.

"Yes! Let me know when you're ready."

His smile is small and precious and she wants to hold it close as long as she can. He closes his eyes and leans against the arm of the sofa. Kirito must be asleep if he's feeling this tired. How hadn't he noticed sooner? He had been sleeping a lot. Just to avoid his own emotions overwhelming him, but maybe that was only partially him.

Selka couldn't hold back anymore, "Yuu, you're smiling so much today. It's nice."

Before he could think about what he was sharing he mumbled, "Kirito said he wants me to stay with him forever…"

She lets out a small squeak, "He- he what?!"

"..I didn't mean to say that. I didn't say that. Selka-"

"Alice!! Is Kirito still awake?!"

"No," she calls from the other room, and Eugeo wishes they wouldn't do this, "Why?"

"I've been  _ dumped _ ."

Suddenly an irate Alice storms back into the living room, her flowing skirt billowing behind her.

" _ You.  _ You said you never had any inappropriate dealings with my sister-"

"KiritoaskedmetocomewithhimtotheotherworldandIbasically said _YES_ -!!" Eugeo gets out in a rush, terrified of the knight looming over him.

She blinks, "Selka, must you constantly sow chaos?"

"It's my job when I have three older siblings."

She sighs, "So this is why you've looked like a startled kitten all day."

"Kitten-"

She slaps a hand on his shoulder, heedless of Selka's hissed warning, but he's too distracted by the conversation to feel fear.

"It was obvious from the  _ minute  _ I met him Eugeo."

"W-what was?"

"That he's obsessed with you."

" _ Selka, I'm ready for that walk. _ "

"Oh, sure. Yuu? Eugeo, wait up!"

A minute of silence passes after they've left and Alice breaks out in a full bodied laugh that bounces off the walls and almost manages to wake Kirito from his sudden slumber.

Weeks pass before Selka deems Kirito healthy enough to board a dragon. 

The morning they decide to make the trip back to Centoria, Kirito is finally feeling more like himself, where before he was bouncing between giddiness at how easily Eugeo accepted him and guilt and sadness over his friend's condition, he finally settled on trying to just be supportive as he had before.

He strapped his blade to his waist, and truly he had to name it soon, though he doubted he could wield it properly. He saw Eugeo pause before swiftly picking up his own blade and he felt no small amount of sympathy for the beautiful sword, being scorned as it was by its apprehensive owner. He knew Eugeo was afraid of himself, that was the reason he went out in Zakkaria so often without the sword, he was scared there was the Administrator's influence left somewhere with him. 

If Kirito could show him how he looked through his eyes he would. There's no one he would trust more than Eugeo with a sword. 

Such thoughts occupied Kirito's mind as he watched eight mel of dragon bound over to the startled blonde. 

"Poor dragon, you didn't come to visit and she waited here for so long. She was worried about you," Selka murmured as she patted her flank. 

".... why? "

"She took a liking to you on the flight here and last she saw of you, you were… not in the best condition."

"We did suggest you visit her but many things went in one ear and out the other for a while. I suppose I forgot to push it after."

The two dragons had been kept at the outskirts of town near the woodlands. Eugeo recognized the lightly trodden path and looked up to the dragon. She took this as permission to shuffle closer, almost purring. Kirito smiled at the truly adorable display.

"Hello girl… do you have a name? I'm sorry I worried you."

She huffed a hot breath that almost shook him off his feet before butting her large snout into Eugeo's stomach.

"She forgives you. I believe...she was set aside to be your dragon. She's a strange one. We do not know how or where she hatched from."

Eugeo felt a sudden pang of sadness, "So she's been alone all this time? Hey," He places a hand on her snout and Kirito sees the dragon light up at his attention and he is going to get along well with her, "How about Fuyuha?" She lets out a soft roar.

He turns to Kirito, standing a couple mel to the side, letting out a startled and astonished roar, "She likes it!"

And Kirito lets out his own delighted laugh in turn and Eugeo tugs him over to greet the overgrown puppy. There is a tense moment between the two as she glares at where her new partner had gripped Kirito's hand and he stares up at her still and unmoving. Eventually she sniffs the hand before rubbing her head against the both of them, letting out a loud purr.

Eugeo is laughing unrestrainedly by that point, and no one in the group would be able to exactly describe how they feel hearing it, but Eugeo's smiles and laughter had been scarce of late. Hearing his laugh lifted a weight from their shoulders and Kirito scratched between the dragon's scales in thanks once they were safely in the air.

The boys and Selka found it strange to travel so far and leave their things behind but Alice had been very adamant about the fact that they would not be spending more than a night in the capitol.

The trip on dragon was just three hours which was another slap in the face to how much easier things were for nobles across the Human Territories. Kirito let himself nap briefly at the start of the ride, he didn't want to run out of energy before the end of the day and while he was infinitely better, he still tired easily.

He woke as he had fallen asleep, pressed against Eugeo's back and his arms secured around the other's waist, Eugeo with one arm held reassuringly towards him to make sure he didn't slide around in the saddle and fall over as he slept. Kirito felt indescriptible warmth as he had over and over since he woke up. Eugeo had always been kind and always especially so to him, in a way that made him want to give him everything but everything felt different. 

Maybe while they were in Centoria he would pull Alice and Selka aside and have them tell him exactly how things had been while he was asleep because he was sure the version he was told in their living room over kofil tea was very much watered down. 

Kirito tapped Eugeo's arm, letting him know he was awake. The other was looking off serenely into the sky and  _ really _ Kirito wishes he'd known about his friend's love for dragons earlier. 

"Feeling okay?" A common enough question, Kirito nodded and stretched almost like a cat, feet grazing the side of the saddle.

He looked around, "Where's Alice and Selka?"

"Ah they flew ahead. Amagori flies faster but she will need to take a break. Fuyuha is a little slower but she can make the whole trip no problem, " Kirito laughed, Eugeo was going to spoil this dragon so much. 

Now Eugeo was pouting because he was being laughed at and Kirito had already woken up with his heart set to burst, he couldn't take much more of this side of Eugeo so he wrapped his arms back around his middle pressing his cheek to his back. 

Kirito never got a chance to do things like this in the real world. Asuna's mother hated him, or at least he's sure she does, and there wasn't really anywhere else they could spend time like this.

Kirito couldn't tell if he was extremely happy, sad, or melancholy in that moment, but whatever it was echoed across both their minds as something heavy fell against the saddle and suddenly Eugeo was turned around and Kirito was pressed against his front.

Kirito looked over to see the reigns hanging loosely around Fuyuha's pale neck.

"Eugeo! The reigns?"

"It's ok," his arms wrapped across Kirito's shoulders shifting him upwards, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine...I'm just thinking."

"About?"

And Kirito, as he looked up into worried teal eyes, fully understood what he was feeling when he woke up from his nap, when he woke up from his coma, when he gave his life for Eugeo's, when he found a stranger cutting an impossibly large tree in the woods, and he found it hard to breathe for a moment. He had said it once, on a cold floor, desperate and honest, he'd said it once in a broken world, he'd said it into a shard of a divine crystal and he needed to say it again, just in case Eugeo had forgotten. 

But the words were stuck in his throat. Instead he answered the question.

"You."

A single word and he felt Eugeo light up between his arms.

"O-oh?"

"Really, you're still embarrassed about this?"

Kirito couldn't believe he'd given such a brazen answer. 

"I'm not embarrassed!" Eugeo started, "I sometimes just...can't believe it's real. That you still want to be around me. That… you think highly enough of me to..."

And then something that he's even too embarrassed to say around Asuna normally, slips out as easily as a greeting.

"I love you,"and Kirito took pride in the red that swept across Eugeo's face, even if his own was just as affected. 

Fuyuha lets out a put upon little growl and flaps her wings harder. 

Kirito smiles, "I don't expect a response, don't wo-"

"Of course! I...I love you too. I truly do, Kirito."

Eugeo's tone had drifted uncontrollably from stern to soft. He thought he'd never get used to how open Kirito was with his feelings. He knew he and Selka came from quite a conservative background, and he wanted to try his best to meet Kirito halfway. Besides all that, he thought Kirito deserved to hear it from him at least once outside of the terrible first time he said it.

By the time they land Kirito is asleep on his feet, the exhilaration from flying and their conversation wearing him down more quickly than he expected.

Fuyuha makes sure to land softly, the young dragon letting her neck touch the ground so that he passengers can dismount closer to the ground. 

Selka runs over, checking on Kirito.

"Young Alice, you told me they were fine."

Kirito swings his head towards the voice only to meet eyes with a young girl. He only pauses for a moment before stepping forward and bowing with as much humility as he can.

"Thank you  _ so _ much for your help, um…"

"Cardinal is fine. Please rise, I have no need for such displays."

"Thank you Cardinal," And Kirito's mind is spinning. Cardinal as in  _ cardinal _ ? He doesn't think it's a coincidence, "We owe you our lives."

He sways a bit as he stands up straight, Eugeo catching his arm. Eugeo isn't quite sure what to say to the girl who saved them from the Administrator. 

The mage taps her staff on the ground and a door appears.

"Once you have cared for your dragons, I will be waiting."

Beyond the doors lay the grandest library Selka had ever seen as she pulls an apprehensive Eugeo and Alice through the entry with her.

"Well then, boy from the other side. Let me see you."

From that moment on Alice finds herself no longer able to follow the conversation and sits and drinks the offered tea. Even knowing the basics- that Kirito is otherworldly, and that the boys have escaped a tragedy by a hair- she doesn't quite understand.

She understands that her goal of talking to either of them alone while both are conscious is impossible as she watched them from the moment they dismounted from Eugeo's newly named dragon. 

She understood that Cardinal was borne of yet another of the Administrators schemes.

She understood that Eugeo wasn't quite the same as any of them anymore as he described yet again, what had happened as he was dying, when Kirito forcibly pulled him back from that brink. Cardinal had said he had privileges, whatever those were, and it would be exceptionally rude of him to pull up anyone's stacia window, even with permission. She supposed he commanded some of the power the Administrator did in a way. It was a fitting vengeance on his part.

She would remember every word spoken and she knew her sister would figure it all out before the night's end.

In a way, this was an underestimation on Alice's part. Selka understood the full implications of the various sacred words being thrown back and forth between Kirito and Cardinal.

She feared.

Cardinal was basically a goddess incarnate, stood before them, and she was  _ drinking tea at her table. _

At one point Cardinal eyes her, "You may peruse the shelves if you like."

Selka finds the thank you, and thank you for not killing us all (yet) flow oddly from her throat.

Kirito bursts into laughter, and Eugeo even lets out a small precious chuckle, "Selka! You can't just  _ say that _ !"

"Why? The miss is correct, though no thanks are necessary. I am only following the logical course of action. You have proven there is hope for these lands- both of you, by rising above  _ her _ and by stripping the government. I am doubtful of these ideals of...peaceful resolution but the chance is there. Albeit low."

"Miss Cardinal…" and Alice had never heard Kirito so polite, maybe even he feared this person, "I can't tell if you will support us or not."

She gave a careless shrug as if to say 'who knows' before calling out.

"Charlotte? You are welcome to come home now."

And Kirito shrieked as a black spider landed on the table in front of him, scampering down the leg and growing larger.

"Good day, madam."

"Thank you for all your work, dear. I left your favorite in the kitchen."

Their legs skitter almost in excitement, "Should I introduce myself…?"

"If you feel you would like to."

And all eyes turn to Kirito as he learns that Cardinal was spying on him almost the entire time he'd been in the Underworld.

"If you are wondering...I did not maintain watch. I merely...you appeared from nowhere and I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time, thinking  _ they _ had sent you. Rath. To fix things. When you showed no indication of such...I lost that hope but I bid Charlotte stay with you as you were clearly nothing more than a boy in need."

Kirito takes a bracing breath, "You promise you weren't  _ watching _ ? Either of you?"

Charlotte squeaks at him, "I had the pleasure of making myself scarce as often as possible and guarding doors!" And Alice could tell the arachnid was excited to talk with her charge. It must have been lonely.

But if it was lonely for the familiar, who was surrounded by people, then she could not imagine what it must've been like for Cardinal herself. She thought of half remembered memories. Nightmares of rooms with countless faces. Her.

Kirito's thoughts ran in line to Alice's as he stepped to Cardinal's side of the table and gave some room before lifting his arms.

"Is this sign language from the outside that I have not learned?"

Alice frowned.

"I'm offering you a hug. Please just accept, it's embarrassing for me to stand here like this."

Alice watched Eugeo lean forward looking so incredibly fond and so far from the depression he'd found himself in for all the weeks they'd been together that she had to look away. She still wasn't used to how open the two were with each other. According to Selka they had danced around each other for years but she couldn't even begin to imagine it.

The sound of wood dragging across the floor startled her out of her thoughts. There was a loud clunk as Cardinal stood on the chair, leaning forward and wrapping her arms around Kirito's shoulders.

For a short moment Kirito looks confused, afraid, unsure, but it passes and she thinks she is the only one who notices.

"Strange...this should mean nothing, we are just placing our arms around each other. However...yes. I understand...this is safe."

When they pull away Kirito asks a question.

"Your name…are you...the cardinal system?"

" _ Ah _ . You are from  _ that _ executable then. You speak of Aincrad's minder. I suppose, I am the same."

And strangely enough Alice feels a drop in air temperature, even in this magical library under stasis.

Even Cardinal looks carefully between Kirito and the Blue Rose Sword resting at the hip of a blank faced Eugeo.

"I hold none of its memories. I am merely...a formatted copy of the original I suppose."

Alice lets out a breath.

"Alright."

And this godlike being hops off the chair, "Take some time to rest. Time passes differently in here and  _ you  _ are by no means fit to be walking around. There is a bath upstairs, go find it. And you," she picks up her staff to point at Eugeo, "We will have words."

Alice holds her breath, as the Cardinal does exactly what she cannot with ease. She separates Kirito and Eugeo from each other. Neither dares to argue with her.

Cardinal nods at her and she takes that as invitation to follow Eugeo and Cardinal into the library, Charlotte looking curiously towards Selka.

She leads them into what appears to be an  _ indoors _ forest grove with more books within. Something about Eugeo looks lighter among the trees and grass and Alice suddenly wishes to remember.

"I...apologize that I could not spare you the Administrators attentions."

Eugeo swallows hard, looking uncomfortable, eyes catching Alice's as he looks away from the Cardinal's surprisingly earnest expression.

"That's not your fault at all."

"No, but I still wish to apologize."

Eugeo nods and the Cardinal's small smile pulls the words from his mouth, "Accepted. I'm sorry as well."

"Why?"

"That you had to suffer seeing me, meeting me, like that."

And Alice has no clue what their first interaction was aside from the fact that they were battling the Administrator.

"Ah yes." And Alice knew the next bit was for her benefit, "Alice was unconscious. Kirito as well. Charlotte had come to fetch me the second he jumped into the fray and I exit my home only to see a country boy smiling  _ down _ at the Administrator herself sans an arm, blade covered in blood. Even for my age I haven't had a hello quite as surprising."

"...sorry. I am not normally like that."

"I know. The boy who cut down her tree is the kindest of us all."

Alice watched Eugeo get embarrassed and enjoyed it. But she also recognized an opening when she saw one.

"Eugeo, perhaps there is something Madam Cardinal can do for your...state of mind?"

And Cardinal pulls Eugeo to look at her and she peers into his eyes.

"He is free of her control. Anything I can do would merely submit him to more of that," and he rips himself from her grip, unable to stand it, "The rest will merely take time. I would say he is doing quite well, don't you think?"

And though he shuddered at having her so close, even if only for a moment, Eugeo felt burnt by the praise and he let it wash over him.

Alice nodded her agreement, "Eugeo is strong. I just wondered if there is anything further to assist him," she looks at Eugeo, "I know I'm not the Alice you were looking for but, I don't want you to suffer."

And then Alice watches him do the bravest thing she's seen him do. Braver than trying to infiltrate the Administrator's lair, than trying to approach her, or staying in the tower. He waits until Cardinal tells them goodnight and lets them know where she'd constructed guest rooms and he takes careful steps over to her. Then he lifts his arms up just as Kirito had with their host. 

Alice doesn't misunderstand.

Kirito is  _ playing _ with Charlotte when Alice returns, and she is surprised to see him still awake.

With every passing day, she finds herself less impressed and more concerned by the black clad swordsman who held his own against the Administrator.

She looks towards her sister who shrugs as if to say he's normally like this.

And she supposes all the drama of the past few weeks would be far removed from how they normally are. She saw how all three of their eyes roamed the shelves, they were studious.

She sees Selka currently surrounded by scrolls and tomes and Kirito with some sort of list nearby.

_ Are they...experimenting? Do they have no fear? What of Cardinal's library? _

And she supposes she'd been seeing a sister who forced herself to be responsible and took charge of Kirito and Eugeo. She'd heard her refer to them with familial terms on multiple occasions but now that she truly thought of it, they had shielded her from quite a bit, even in their weakened states neither boy let her see the worst until she forced them for their own health. 

Two stubborn older brothers and a caring younger sister. That is what she had seen.

But now she saw more.

Two exasperated older brothers and their reckless younger sister. One who may very well destroy a god's home with their experimenting. 

She pouted and put her tome down when Alice spoke up and she did not miss Kirito's little sigh of relief. Selka winked at her. She was just playing with Kirito then.

Alice wished she could become family as well. Family wasn't just blood and she was determined to reforge the bonds she had lost.

The next morning, Cardinal treats them with an exquisite breakfast, and they all eat far past their limits.

The move to the shelves after, Kirito trying to research what he can of the Dark Territory, when Cardinal's head snaps up.

"Two life signatures just appeared. Directly outside my door. My door is undetectable so this seems on purpose."

"Appeared?".

"Yes. As in one moment there was nothing, and suddenly there are two Lives, standing outside my door. Kirito, I believe these are your guests. I refuse to entertain any more visitors from the other side."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A break from the angst. Carefully, carefully trying not to create plot/timeline inconsistencies...
> 
> Soon I will be changing my username! Probably to "spacefish" ! Hopefully that won't confuse anyone!


	3. Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say canon divergence-

Kirito didn't move from his seat. Visitors from the real world? Were they Rath employees? He was technically still on their payroll so he couldn't be in any trouble, maybe they were there to finally explain what had happened to him? He found that didn't make sense either, because you couldn't really hear anything during observation unless acceleration was below the threshold. 

All eyes were on him but he was thinking himself in circles.

He sighed as he pushed himself out of his seat, and stepped towards the door. 

Eugeo stopped him, "Where do you think you're going?"

Alice, who was also about to stop Kirito, paused. Yet another side of Eugeo she hadn't really seen. She watched Kirito immediately bend to him, "Well if they're from the other side…"

"Do you know who it is?"

Kirito didn't answer, there was only one person reckless enough to manage to break into a testing facility and that was Asuna. But there were two visitors. 

"I'm going out first."

Kirito didn't get the chance to argue before Eugeo opened the door, his light armor clanking against the floor.

Alice quickly stepped out behind Eugeo and filed away Kirito and Selka's looks of annoyance for later.

There was dust where the two visitors had landed, obscuring their vision. Eugeo could hear the dragons' warning growls in the near distance.

He felt uneasy, in a more normal way than he had in weeks, and drew his blade, Alice doing the same.

He could make out shady forms through the dust cloud and it seemed they could see him as well. The figure tensed and reached for something on their waist. 

Alice waves her blade in a wide arc, lifting the winds and her swords petals, clearing the obstruction. At the same time Kirito makes a startled call as Eugeo darts forward. Alice is unsure why Kirito thinks Eugeo would prioritize anyone's safety over his but she ignores him for the moment.

She holds herself at ready in case their visitors are aggressive but the long haired...knight? She stands with her hands raised, Eugeo's blade ilms from her neck, with a surprised look on her face. She doesn't look scared and though she is in danger, her eyes dart around curiously.

The other has her hand on the hilt of her sword but doesn't move as Eugeo glares at her.

Alice thinks these two  _ must _ be Kirito's. The curiosity and apparent lack of care for their lives screams his and she sincerely hopes every other human from the other side isn't like this.

They all speak at the same time.

"Kirito-"

"Don't move-"

"Asuna!"

"State your reason for trespass!"

Alice's voice booms above them all. Eugeo looks a little disappointed at that but she didn't worry. She  _ knew _ he was just playing scary knight to protect Kirito. And perhaps he was trying to wash the image of his dying from Kirito's eyes with new memories.

The trespasser blinks, standing up straight, heedless of Eugeo's sword.

"Ah. So sorry. I'm from...um. Far away?"

Eugeo rolled his eyes and sheathed the blue rose sword- definitely Kirito's friends. 

"The other side?" He interjected, causing her to finally finally take notice of him. Her eyes sparked with some kind of recognition.

"Yes...we're from the real world?" There was no confusion from anyone in the road and she let out a relieved sigh, "Sorry for startling you, I just...was worried about him," and she pointed over to the quickly approaching Kirito, who looked relieved and slightly alarmed all at once.

"My name is Asuna-"

"Asuna?!" Eugeo fumbled to take off a gauntlet as Kirito drew near, dragging Asuna into an immediate hug.

"Hi, Kirito."

"It feels like it's been years…"

"Silly, it has been years for you."

Kirito felt more of his worries melt away in their embrace, just as he had the day before with Eugeo, atop the dragon. He pulled away from her as Eugeo managed to get his gloves off.

"Eugeo what are you…"

He held his hand out for a handshake, "N-nice to meet you Asuna. I'm Eugeo. I'm very sorry for the rude welcome, we-"

He found himself tugged into her arms, his face going red. The only girl that normally hugged him was Selka and that hardly counted in his mind.

Asuna pressed close, whispering to him, "Thank you for taking such good care of him!"

He didn't know how to respond so he nodded into her shoulder, startled enough not to feel the usual fear at the close contact.

They parted as someone cleared their throat.

"Geez, where's my hug huh?"

Asuna  _ giggled _ as she wrapped an arm around the other visitor's shoulders, squeezing briefly. 

"Konno-sa-"

"I told you Yuuki is fine. Or Zekken if you feel the need."

"Are you...okay?"

She spread her arms, "As you can see! I'm better by the day. The wonders of modern medicine!"

Kirito smiled, relieved, "That's great."

Eugeo figured this girl...Yuuki, who Kirito had never mentioned had been sick? Perhaps she was more Asuna's friend than his own. 

"So...why are you here?"

Eugeo, without thinking, slapped Kirito's arm, "That's  _ rude _ ."

Internally, Eugeo worried, was he being too familiar with Kirito around his girlfriend? But Kirito didn't seem to care. He felt like it had been  _ years _ since he'd thought about social niceties even though it had only been a few months.

"Well, Kirito collapsed on the other side. Kind of? It wasn't good." Kirito laughed nervously, inching closer to Eugeo, "I was worried."

"You saw…" Eugeo mumbled, as Kirito spoke up, voice quiet, from next to him, "Sorry, Asuna."

She took a deep breath, admirably staying calm,

"The way Rath observes...it only works up to a certain acceleration rate but...I've seen enough. Ah. We...made sure not to invade your privacy when we could avoid it. But.  _ Please. _ Your life is important Kirito." 

And Asuna wasn't quite crying but even Eugeo could tell she was close, even if he didn't wuite understand the whole conversation.

Kirito had many many arguments to why his sacrifice was the most logical option but he wisely chose to nod and keep his mouth shut.

"That being said," both Asuna and Yuuki stood straight, at attention, "We are at your service."

Alice notices Selka near Cardinal's doors, and she gestures to her. Sure she, Kirito and Eugeo were good at making a forceful impression, but she was their real leader. She just hadn't realized it yet.

"Kirito, Eugeo, and Alice just have to go talk to the knights today but I will be doing research if you'd like to join me? It would be good for you to learn about our world. Oh. I didn't introduce myself," Asuna sees Kirito with an expression she's only seen him make with Sugu, when she's done something particularly well, the expression mirrored on both Eugeo and Alice's faces. "My name is Selka Zuberg, sister of Integrity Knight Alice Synthesis Thirty Two."

Yuuki jogged over, vigorously shaking Selka's hand as she introduced herself, Asuna smiling and following after.

Kirito looked a little startled as Asuna looked not to him but to Eugeo, "I know Kirito is okay now and I trust  _ you _ . I'll see you both later? We can talk then."

Eugeo nods, wide eyed. How much of him had she seen and how many more people would he find that had spied on him?

He quietly asks Kirito, "Wouldn't you prefer to stay with them? I can tell you what the knights say later."

Kirito looks towards Asuna for a moment, smiling as he watches her talk with Selka.

Then he looks to Eugeo and thinks about leaving him alone with people he didn't know, potential threats and decides, no, he's not leaving Eugeo. He misses Asuna but she is safe with Cardinal. 

Alice grabs both their hands as she passes them, "Come. We will be late."

She almost but not quite misses their stunned looks, their reactions to their hands in hers, and she basks in it. 

Eugeo lags slightly behind the two. The memory is sharp, like it was just yesterday, when they would pull him along just like this through the fields behind Rulid Village. Everyone always thought it was Kirito dragging them around on so called adventures, but it had always been Alice. She'd always led them, with Kirito happily going along with her, and Eugeo helpless to their whims. 

Nothing had changed.

_ I won't lose this again, I've got to pull myself together. _

The three stay close during the meeting, Kirito urging them to make peace with the Dark Territory, to avoid war. It is easier than he expects, with the ranks of the integrity knights not wanting to fight, inexperienced, or already wanting to attempt something of the source and waiting for someone else to suggest it, afraid of backlash.

Bercouli cuts in, "Of course, the weight of planning this...won't be on your shoulders. We will each work an angle."

And then he looks carefully at Alice, at the three of them, and makes a decision, "You three...will not be a part of the peace talks."

Each of them rises, interjecting, but he interrupts them.

"We have contacts there...you don't think they don't have any here? The weight of your words, your swords is better served if we fail, rather than wasted here. Alice, who successfully uncovered the rot in the human realm, Eugeo who all but killed the Administrator," Eugeo supposed they weren't making Cardinal's existence wildly known, "and Kirito and the young lady, ah...Selka Zuberg. Who planned the whole thing in under a night. I'll be saving you four."

Kirito shifted uneasily, unsure if to mention Asuna and Yuuki, but he refrained. He'd leave it up to them if they wanted to participate.

Come to think of it, he was oddly happy to be left out of the fighting this time, especially if it meant that they were all staying behind.

He much preferred the more passive role he'd settled in to. In the first place he wasn't ever expecting them to risk their lives when they left Rulid.

These thoughts led him back to Cardinal's doors. Alice's golden hair caught his eye from in front, and he felt a strong wave of nostalgia with Eugeo's comforting presence behind them. The memories were distant and felt like they were hidden in heavy fog, but times like these he felt the three of them had always been destined to be together.

As they came to the field with their dragons Kirito's eyes snapped to the distance as Eugeo sped up.

Selka and Asuna were  _ dueling _ .

Normally that wouldn't be a worry, but Selka looked serious and he knew Asuna would respond in kind.

He ran past Eugeo to question Yuuki, "Why are they dueling?!"

"What's wrong? Selka said she wanted to test something."

Kirito let out a pained sigh, everytime he thought things were calm, there was always something.

He watched, tense, as the two waited for each other to move.

He was relieved they were using practice blades, otherwise he would have put a stop to this already. Kirito had no idea what Selka could be testing with practice blades and he dreaded it. He regretted running. He felt light headed and he couldn't wait to be done feeling sick  _ again _ .

In the end, nothing of import happened other than the two girls sparring until they tired. The duel was just long enough that Kirito was using Eugeo and Alice to lean on.

Selka wiped the sweat from her brow, looking startled at the fierce glare the three were throwing her way.

"What did I do?"

"What were you trying to do?"

"I wanted to see if her sword style was different from Kirito's. It's good to have different training partners you know…"

Eugeo sighed, hearing the honesty in Selka's voice, but he also had the feeling there was something else to it, "...sorry Selka. Any time the word try or test comes up around you, it's been some crazy plan or some experiment with the sacred arts…we worry."

"You're amazing, how did you learn to fight like that?!" And Kirito edged away from the conversation, tugging his two self assigned bodyguards towards Cardinal's home.

"Let's head inside, I'm sure Cardinal wants to hear what the knights decided."

His own words stuck in his head. Kirito felt he hadn’t really done much since coming to the Underworld. Yes, he had reacted to everything, he’d reacted to Rulid village, to his slowly reforming memories of Alice, to Eugeo, but he hadn’t been proactive about much.

He genuinely thought it was a nice change. There were no heavy decisions on his shoulders, he had merely wanted to help Eugeo. But he was also uneasy.

Just wanting to help Eugeo had played a part in getting him hurt. Maybe he would’ve still been safe in Rulid if not for him.

But really the what ifs didn’t matter and he was tired of being in his own head. Besides he didn’t want to worry both Eugeo and Asuna.

He glanced over at Asuna. How had she even gotten to him? How had Rath gotten him into a soul translator in the first place. Simple questions, he hadn’t considered because really they hadn’t mattered. He couldn’t do anything about it. Would knowing help? He still wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

He decided not to ask. 

He had decided he wasn’t leaving without Eugeo in any case.

Asuna was staring back, he knew she was carefully observing how he was acting, how close he’d been standing to Eugeo ever since she first saw him, how he interacted with all of them. 

He felt exposed for a moment as he gently released his hold on Eugeo’s arm, a hold he hadn’t even noticed. Eugeo reached for him for the smallest second before stopping himself. Kirito knew it wasn’t because of Asuna, but because he always second guessed things like that. He didn’t have the guts to hold his hand in front of so many people, even if they were just among friends, but he wedged himself the smallest bit further into his side.

The next expression he catches on Asuna’s face is astonishment and he doesn’t understand why she looks like that.

Eugeo looks between them and quietly speaks, “Kirito, I’m going to go find Cardinal. Alice?”

Alice doesn’t quite understand why they both have to go but he pulls them away before Kirito can offer to come along as well. Selka remembers the name Asuna from Kirito's tales of his past so she also leaves to give them space. Yuuki curious about the library and aware of the two, follows behind her.

There was a long, awkward minute where Kirito couldn’t decide on what to say to Asuna so he merely stared. It had been so long since he’d seen her, and he’d  _ missed _ her. So much that merely saying it wouldn’t express it enough.

She stepped forward and laid a gentle hand on his cheek, “It’s been...almost two years for you hasn’t it? But it doesn’t seem like you’ve been lonely. That’s good.”

Kirito let out a breath he felt like he’d been holding since he’d woken up in that forest as he leaned into the palm of her hand.

“Eugeo’s been nice enough to let me stick around this whole time…”

“Eugeo…how long have you known him?”

“He was the first person I met here.”

“You seem close.” The acceptance in her tone had Kirito wrapping his arms around her waist tugging her closer. It had been two years for him but probably only a few days or weeks for her yet she was taking everything so calmly.

She had the surprise of watching Kirito turn bashful, mumbling a response she couldn’t really understand, even with how close they were.

Eyes wide, she stared at him.

“Why do you keep staring at me like that?” he mumbled, a little louder.

“I feel like...I’m seeing a new side to you.”

Kirito didn’t say anything, he’s well aware that the way he’d acted in the Underworld was nothing like he’d ever acted in any of his other relationships in any other world, which just made him even more unsure as to how to act or react.

“Eugeo’s been good for you. I saw a little. Without trying to pry.”

“Seems like  _ everyone _ has. Even people here have been spying on us.”

She laughed, “Don’t worry. While we’re here...I don’t want to interrupt whatever you two have going on. We have plenty of time.”

She leaned forward, letting her lips meet his for the briefest second and she felt Kirito relax under her.

“We have time...yeah. You’re right.” Such an obvious thing, but Kirito had always worried something unexpected would happen as it always would and always did. But the worst had already happened. Did Asuna know? Should he tell her now? Later? That he’d given his life for Eugeo’s.

From the way she was acting he didn’t think she knew.

"You seem a little more mature too. I suppose you're the older one between us now. But not by much."

Asuna wondered, did he know how badly he’d been hurt? Kirito had no idea how his physical health was. She also wanted to tell him about what she’d found out about Rath.

“Is Yuuki...doing better?”

“Much! I tried not to convince her to come here with me but...really there was no stopping her.”

Kirito smiles, “She’s been good for you.”

Asuna’s expression falls, “Yeah...I feel like I’m learning new things about myself too. But really the moment I realized I couldn’t have her gone from my life was when her illness almost took her.”

Kirito didn’t want to talk. He wanted to let the moment Eugeo lay bleeding out on the floor, skin paling, fade from his memories, into nightmares, into the need to keep him close.

But the memory was still as fresh as the day it happened.

“I don’t know how much you saw, Asuna, and you're going to be mad at me for this, but a little before you got here--Well not a little. It was a few months for me. Something happened to Eugeo and-”

“Wait. Should Eugeo be involved in this conversation?”

Kirito paused, thinking.

“....probably.” Even if it might just be for him to finish the tale after Asuna killed him for doing something so reckless.

“Then don’t worry, we’ll talk later. Remember, we have time. Besides, I want to get to know him too.”

She patted his shoulders, and her smile turned mischievous, “Asked him out yet? I know you take forever with these things. How long did it take us?”

“ _ Yes.”  _ he looked away, “Kind of? Probably.”

“Ka-zu-to.” her stern tone made him shuffle his feet, “Yes or no.”

“Yes!”

She didn't trust him to do things properly. 

“...what exactly did you say?”

She had the pleasure of watching his face twist in embarrassment, a rare occurrence, but she had the feeling it wasn't so rare in this world. He was normally either bold, quiet, or unbelievably straight forward, at least when she saw him interacting with most others. She’d occasionally gotten the bashful side of him but to this extent...she couldn’t wait to get to know Eugeo.

“Well I suppose I’ll take this as answer enough. I wish I could’ve seen my Kirito wholeheartedly,” he hissed her name, “earnestly,” pleaded with her to be quiet, “confessing his love to his friend, his student-” “How much did you see?! Cut it out!”

She gave an overly dramatic, despairing wail, “Did you plan it out? There was a lot of time I didn’t see in your academy room. Was it then?”

Kirito fled, wandering deeper into the library.

"-can stay a while. Ah, Kirito."

Selka ran over to him, childishly hugging his arm in a way she had been doing more often since he woke up. Come to think of it, she had distanced herself while they were at the academy, but they were no issues now that they weren't students anymore.

"Kirito, Cardinal says I can stay and study her collection a bit longer."

"I'm not leaving you-"

"Here alone," she finished, "Eugeo just finished telling me the exact same thing."

Kirito glances over to Eugeo, and Asuna wonders if this is what it looked like to others when the two of them would talk to Yui. She really does feel like she's learning new things about Kirito and she hasn't even really spoken to Eugeo yet. 

"Cardinal said we could stay until she's done."

"...Thank you Cardinal. Is it really alright? There's so many of us…"

Asuna blinked. The name Cardinal had been thrown around constantly and she stared wide eyed at the small robed girl before her. Cardinal as in Sword Art Online's controlling system? She mentally added it to the quickly growing list of things to ask about later.

Yuuki slid next to her.

"How is he?"

"Seems okay. Kind of. He asked about you."

She grinned, "Don't worry, I can log off anytime. I'm more worried about you."

Yuuki had connected remotely via her medicuboid. She didn't need to use it anymore, but it was helping her mentally readjust to life in the real world. Sometimes socializing was too much and though she loved it, she longed for the safety of the virtual world. 

Landing in the Underworld however, made her reconsider. The world was far beyond virtual and if she still had any doubts, she would know now that her suspicions about Kirito being the same type of person as her were correct. 

No normal person just  _ adapted _ and accepted that this was their life. Asuna too. She had been watching Kirito in here the last few days, time speeding by for him, yet she accepted it all so easily.

In a way Asuna was even worse than Kirito. She seemed like she could handle anything. While Kirito quickly accepted and let things happen around him, he second guessed himself at every step. 

Asuna on the other hand acted. 

Imagine Yuuki's shock when she found a scheduled email detailing the plan to sneak her onto the Ocean Turtle.

She texted her back only to receive a phone call a day later and a situation beyond her understanding. She was surprised she'd even been able to convince Rath to let her dive with Asuna, but she supposed Kikuoka wasn't all bad if he was worried enough about the situation to let her go. 

It seemed there were irregularities. That someone had polluted the experiment. Which means something was currently or had been wrong with the Underworld.

Yuuki decided she would take a look around tomorrow. She much preferred running into any trouble than it finding Asuna. Rath wasn't entirely sure how injuries or even death in the Underworld affected a person in the real world, and obviously they couldn't test it. So far their only test of this was Kirito.

"It is fine. I did say I wouldn't entertain more guests Allowing you to sleep for another night is another thing and the two young ladies don't seem like they need entertaining at all."

"...Do you believe in the plan for peace?"

"Not at all. I had a plan of my own. But...I will trust in you."

Kirito was confused, "What plan? Why trust us? We don't even get to help."

Alice, instinctually, elbows him, a long dead reaction to Kirito's rudeness in her childhood as Eugeo scolds him with his eyes from his spot near Cardinal.

Asuna continues to carefully observe. Eugeo, oddly enough, seems to trust this girl wholeheartedly. Kirito seems to trust her but is still wary.

She laughs, "I'm trying something. Relying on...what is it called? A gut feeling."

And at that Kirito relaxes. He relaxes almost too much and yawns, apologizing for it. It isn't even late yet he is so tired he sways on his feet slightly. 

"Eugeo," Cardinal calls for him to help Kirito but he is at his side before she can finish. 

Kirito's thoughts feel muddled with sudden fatigue and he remembers that he didn't explain his health to Asuna yet. He mumbles an "I'm okay," to Eugeo and Asuna both as she draws closer, but she doesn't pull him from Eugeo.

Eugeo's tone is sharp and cold in it’s worry, "You'll be okay if you go to sleep."

Normally Kirito would put up a fight. Eugeo hated how much time he spent sleeping, he felt it was his fault that Kirito wasn't in his best condition and the sight of him feeling badly darkened his mood like nothing else could. Sleeping was one thing that was helping Kirito, and the more he slept the better he’d get. 

But Kirito hated actually going to sleep just as much. A complete turn around from the real world where he took every chance he could to nap. If he was sleep how could he keep an eye on Eugeo and make sure he was still breathing? Now sleep just felt like he was wasting precious time. Not being able to function through the entire day, even a day where he was fortunate enough to have both Eugeo and Asuna and so many of his friends together, was incredibly frustrating.

He knew he should, but he didn't say anything as he pulled himself towards the guest room. His feet started to drag as he neared the door and it was almost too difficult to lift his arm to turn the handle. 

He startled badly as a hand reached out before him, opening it for him. 

"Alice?"

"You don't really think he'd let you wander off on your own?"

He rolled his eyes, snapping out, "I'm fine."

_ So Eugeo doesn't trust Cardinal as much as he seems to either.  _

She stared at him and he fidgeted, giving in and sitting on the bed.

He could feel his muscles shaking, sore from merely moving throughout the day. 

"This attitude is unlike you."

"I'll apologize later."

Neither of them questioned how she would know. The fact that it was just a feeling was unsaid.

"What's wrong?"

"Asuna doesn't know about Eugeo almost dying...and how we saved him."

" _ You _ saved him."

She sits next to him, placing the hand closest to him out of the way and on to her lap.

"I'm tired of being tired."

"I know. We all know that, but the more you rest the faster you'll recover. You're making up for all the rest you couldn't truly get while your Soul was recovering for all those weeks."

Alice doesn't do subtle, so she tugs him against her shoulder, letting him lean against her. The position feels familiar and incredibly nostalgic as he closes his eyes, unable to resist the comfort.

"Rest, you know as well as I that Eugeo will wander in soon, apologizing for his tone."

"I'm the one who should be apologizing though."

Asuna felt the unease she had felt when she watched Kirito's fluctlight flicker for the barest moment. That flicker is what had her demanding Kikuoka let her dive. There was something going on in the Underworld that wasn't it their doing, that indicated tampering. They had been unable to observe a certain room in the tower. While Kirito and his two travel mates were in there with the blonde knight, there were a few terrifying seconds where all of his brain activity stopped before starting back up again.

And when it did, it didn't rise to active levels.

It stayed that way for hours until eventually it rose a second time, but not to its previous height.

So when Kirito was hit with a sudden tiredness, reminiscent of the exhaustion he'd shown from his first experience with the STL in the real world, she didn't know what to do but look helplessly towards the boy who had been with him the whole time.

Eugeo bit his lip for a second, looking sad as Alice followed after him.

He seemed to choose his words carefully, "He was sick for a while, and he's still recovering. That tiredness is one of the symptoms."

Asuna did her best to ignore the guilt in Eugeo’s voice and didn't push. She would have her answers soon, she knew. 

Selka spoke up, "He's been getting better really. Before he could only walk around a few steps before having to rest. Now he can walk around normally for at least six hours, even longer if he gets a nap in. And today he went for even longer without a break. That must be why it hit him so hard just now."

Though the words were highly reassuring to Asuna, it meant his fluctlight was healing as it should, they seemed to only make Eugeo more upset. 

In the end they don't manage to sit for long, Eugeo grows more and more antsy and uneasy the longer he Kirito is gone and Asuna ends up more worried about Eugeo than Kirito by the time Selka shoos him off.

"He wasn't always like this."

"Hm?"

"I just want you to know...Eugeo wasn't always so scared of Kirito being gone. Not that he’d want that! But he wasn’t this...terrified. All the time."

Selka runs a rough hand through her hair. It was getting long, she’d need to ask one of the boys to trim it for her again.

“Just...they’re doing better. I know it doesn’t look great but, I don’t think Kirito wants you to worry too much.”

“Thank you, Selka.”

“I’m sorry Miss Asuna...I’ll make sure you three have time to talk tomorrow.”

Eugeo hesitates for a moment, before poking his head into their room. He’d never snapped at Kirito like that before and he never wanted to again. He was just so worried that something would take Kirito away, something out of his own control. Be it his partner - and partner was the word his head had settled on days or years ago and he couldn’t shake it - be it Kirito’s own health. Or people like the Administrator, or Life itself.

Losing him was the worst thing he’d ever gone through only rivalled by the day he lost Alice and he never wanted to do it again. He knew he was being selfish but he couldn’t imagine ever being able to live if something happened.

He admires the peaceful look on Alice’s face and Kirito asleep, pressed safely against her side. He’d been feeling a particular way ever since Kirito had fallen in the tower. Sometimes he’d find it impossible to smile. Happiness would be so hard to reach in his own mind and his own worries would overwhelm him.

Now was one of those times.

But instead of letting himself get lost in his own head, he sat next to Alice.

Her deep voice called out to him, “Eugeo, is all well?”

He gave a jerky nod, wringing his hands in his lap, drawing comfort from their nearness. She reached over with her free hand, prying them apart and giving him an understanding stare, “Do not injure yourself, I shall ask again,” her voice stayed soft as to not wake Kirito, “Is all well?”

He let out a shaky breath, “No,” he let her properly take his hand, holding it, something he hadn’t done with her since they were kids, “I’m scared. I’m really scared,” he choked out.

“Neither of you are being yourself tonight. It’ll be okay. We won’t even be at the front lines, we are reserves in all this and...that seems to be for the best. Really, the most dangerous battle seems to have already been fought. What’s left is just...fixing things. Mistakes that need to be corrected.”

“ _ Anything _ could happen. Alice...I know you don’t remember what it was like when you were younger but, when you disappeared it was not- I couldn’t - Kirito disappeared then too, and I didn’t know what to do. I-I-”

She squeezes his hand, taking a deep breath, hoping his aversion to touch doesn’t rise up against her. She feels odd, a sense of deja vu flashing through her but nothing she could really place. She supposes she just instinctually missed Kirito and Eugeo and having them both there and trusting her was a lot. Something she wanted to regain but never expected to.

“It will be okay.”

Eugeo took a short breath, but allows the contact, actually returning it, “You saw me. How I was. What t-the Administrator did - When Kirito-”

Alice releases his hand and pulls him against her in a one armed embrace. He is stiff for a moment before leaning against her. He’s relieved not to feel his usual illness at being touched.

“Eugeo. It will be ok. Just as you want to protect him, so much that you are so worried I fear you will make yourself sick, Kirito was prepared to do anything to keep you safe. I hope one day I will find what you two have, no matter what form it comes in.”

He quiets himself and just sits and breathes and appreciates Alice being alive and near. He thinks of wind against his face and Kirito holding him close, talking to him in a way he wouldn’t have been able to imagine months before.

Alice opens her eyes to warm sunlight and a kind of warmth she hasn’t felt before pressed along both sides of her. The three barely fit in the bed, and she couldn’t move with how tightly the two were clinging to her.

She hadn’t felt this kind of happiness before. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment before they really had to get up. After a few minutes she felt Kirito shifting next to him. She’d learned quickly that he was the type to sleep in, even when he was feeling his best, but I guess they’d retired early enough that he had no trouble waking.

When she opens her eyes she is rewarded with Kirito bashfully trying to move away, but also unable to shift far before he meets the wall. Alice stretches, wrapping her arm back around him, and he squeaks, pulling a cocky smile from Alice, “Relax, I won’t do anything.” 

He lifts his head slightly, surprised to see Eugeo on her other side, and taking in the puffiness around his eyes. He shifts, about to reach for him, before Alice tugs him away.

“Don’t wake him.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“He has been terribly worried for you,” she pulls him closer, basically cuddling him. She had never been this close to any of the other knights, but she had spied such friendships between trainees and had always wondered what it was like.

She understood. She would protect them, and Selka, with everything she had. They felt so small against her side.

Kirito is quiet, “I know, I’m trying not to worry him but...I know I can’t stop him. I’m worried about him too anyway, that idiot, I wish he’d let us help him more.”

Said idiot shifts, accidentally shoving both Alice and Kirito closer to the wall. Kirito is forced to turn properly on his side, and takes advantage to rest his arm across Alice and onto Eugeo’s side.

“Don’t worry,” Kirito gives her a slightly annoyed look, even her voice is lulling him back to sleep, “I told him so as well. I’ll protect both of you.”

Kirito  _ knows _ this is his weakness, Asuna had said this, and Selka, and Eugeo, and now Alice, but every time someone offers to protect him he can’t help but feel his face go red and all of his upper level thought disappear. He can’t get used to being cared for that much. He lets out a pathetic noise and hides his face, tucking himself further into Alice’s side.

Eugeo shifts, stretching a little. He blinks drowsily as he wakes, and sits up quickly, startled by his sleeping arrangement.

“Good morning,” he says quietly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” She rolls her eyes and tugs him back into his original position. He acquiesces easily, taking the comfort that his body will let him have after dealing with the Administrator, but he doesn’t go back to sleep. He stares at them, and realizes he isn’t quite awake enough yet when he then asks Alice as he notices how she’s holding Kirito, “What are you doing with my boyfriend?”

After a long stretch of silence, Eugeo lets out a small, embarrassed wail and curls up against Alice, not wanting to make things worse by running. Kirito had never exactly said that’s what they were nor had they spoken about it outside affectionate words and touches so was he really allowed to just call him that? In front of someone else, even if it was their mutual childhood friend?

Alice giggled as the silence stretched on, “Really? Now you two are bashful? When Kirito stormed the central tower I had thought he was rescuing his  _ husband _ . Imagine my surprise when you two had scarcely confessed to each other.”

She sat up, dragging both boys up with her, Eugeo hiding his face in his hands at his slip up, and Kirito wide eyed.

“Kirito,” she slaps his shoulder, “Set him straight,” her smile widens, “Or not I suppose. I’m going to go talk to my sister. Would you like me to send Asuna to you?”

Both of them nod as she gets off the bed and leaves without a word.

“Kirito, sorry I’ve been calling you my partner in my head for so long and-”

“Eugeo it’s okay-”

“And it just kind of slipped out, and I know we said some stuff the other day but I understand if- what?”

“Wow, my best friend sure is an idiot. Do you know how hard it is to ask someone about that  _ stuff _ out loud? I’ve wanted that for years. It’s...fine. If you want to call me your boyfriend. I don’t mind.”

“ _ Years? _ ” Kirito stared at him until he felt the need to speak again, “Ok. Yeah. I mean...me too, Kirito. And just so we’re clear on everything...I’m not upset that you have Asuna as well. She seems nice and you deserve as much love in your life as possible. I’ve just been so worried about you. I’m sorry if I sounded angry last night.”

Kirito shakes his head, “That’s alright. I’m sorry too.”

Eugeo smiles helplessly. They could both be so foolish.

They fall into a slightly awkward silence as Kirito takes Eugeo’s hand.

“Kirito?”

“Yeah?”

“Nevermind. Asuna will be here any minute and we have to tell her why you’re...sick.”

“No, none of that. What is it?”

Eugeo pouts, “Asuna will be here any minute and I want to...kiss you.”

Kirito feels his heart beat double time as he moves both his hands to either side of Eugeo’s face and does just that.

Kirito isn’t sure if he can handle anymore emotional whiplash.

Between the two of them they had spilled the whole story of their time in Rulid, their time travelling, the academy, Kirito’s tiny kidnapping by Humbert, Selka’s almost murder attempt, Eugeo’s inflitration and brainwashing at the tower, and Kirito and Selka’s infiltration.

All in all Asuna was keeping up well. She had seen some of it but hearing it all was different, more real, so reached out to comfort both of them at the harder retellings.

She was actually a little confused why they were telling her so much until they got to the end. She gripped Eugeo’s hand hard when he told her about how he’d almost died. And then she felt acid bubble in her stomach as Kirito tonelessly described how he’d sacrificed himself to bring Eugeo back.

She could be angry, and she thought in the past she would have been. But she knew she’d done the same to him back in Aincrad and he wasn’t actively trying to die. He didn’t  _ want _ to die. It had just been the only choice for him in an impossible situation.

Instead she chose to be awed, and scared. Scared for the two of them, because she didn’t want either of them hurt. She knew she would would like Eugeo once she got the chance to be friends with him, and hearing how desperately he tried to protect Kirito, always for Kirito- she couldn’t help but be awed.

When she told Kirito that his body was healing, it was just his brain that needed to heal, but he was getting better, she saw Eugeo look so relieved that he looked like he’d almost start crying.

Of course Kirito would return feelings like that. He had with her and this was no different.

“Eugeo, come to the real world. Come and I can show you and tell you all about us in return for this.”

She was amazed that Eugeo was letting her be so near him after all he’d been through.

Kirito shuffled his feet shyly, “I...already asked him.”

“Oh my. You do move fast. You never sweet talked me like that. How did you manage this, Eugeo?”

“Fast? He took  _ years _ . And you should’ve seen him when we were in school. All he seemed to care about was eating and sleeping.”

“Though at least he shares his food, right?”

“Please don’t get along just to bully me.”

“Don’t worry. I didn’t come down here  _ just _ to check on you. Of course I was worried. Really worried. Please never do that again. But something is going on in the real world. It seems someone has tampered with the Underworld. And to me, it seems like Cardinal might be the best help we can get from this side.” 

“Asuna...how is Kirito holding up? In the real world?”

And then it’s Asuna’s turn to explain how he’d been attacked, how he’d been whisked away to Rath’s submarine, to the Underworld. How his physical body had been affected by the Underworld.

And after much research on the world they lived in, it was time to go home to Zakkaria.

“You’re sure you won’t come back with us? We can make space.”

“We’ll visit. Promise. Yuuki wants to see more of the human empire as well! I will have to go back to the real world for a little bit to give them the information we found on the seal, so it might be a few months.”

“Alright..” And Eugeo finds himself sad to part. Asuna was the first friend around his own age that he’d made in a long time. He’s sure he surprises Kirito when he engulfs her in a hug.

“Take care of yourself.”

“I’ll do my best.”

They both pull a left out looking Kirito into their hug, Asuna kissing him on the cheek.

“See you both soon!”

Later that evening Eugeo is thinking that Asuna must already be in the real world, and he’s happy Kirito has allies on both sides now. His partner even looks more energetic, and he’s been able to get through the day more and more easily and is still awake when they get off their dragons just outside Zakkaria.

So no one is expecting it when he suddenly collapses, a terrifying noise ringing through their heads, Eugeo’s vision blurs for a second as Kirito falls to the ground, unresponsive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of want to write a side story with Asuna and Yuuki. Not enough content for those two, but there's going to be too many characters if I also write their development into this story. Also couldn't help but give the Rulid trio some time together before stuff starts going down. We are zooming far away from the WoU plot.
> 
> Also if you want an alternate ending to the anime/wou arc and don't want to wait forever however I decide to end this series, my other series Sad Art Online might have something for you!


	4. Lucidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirito is asleep arc

Eugeo's ears are still ringing and the first step forward he takes towards Kirito is almost impossible to take.

An earthquake?

But the creatures that caused those were nowhere near Zakkaria.

"Kirito?"

He doesn't answer.

What was that noise? That felt like it was coming from everywhere and nowhere at once? What shook the ground beneath their feet?

Eugeo takes another step forward. He calls for him again.

He doesn't answer.

\-----------

As Kirito falls to the ground he feels time itself slow. Is he being dragged out of the STL? Without Eugeo and Selka and Alice?

Was something wrong with his body again?

Or was this something else?

Was the Underworld collapsing?

Where was he?

The voice that called out to him, he didn't recognize it, but he thought the boy sounded incredibly lost.

He wanted to tell him not to worry, that everything was fine.

Another voice called out to him.

She sounded incredibly worried. What was she worried about? Who was she?

Again, he wanted to tell her not to worry, that everything was fine.

What was fine? What was there to worry about? He wasn't sure.

Who was he?

Kirito's thoughts drifted between one moment and the next and then he was unconscious.

When he next was able to think he found himself sitting in a bedroom.

His bedroom.

For a moment it felt odd. Like he should be somewhere else. But where else would he need to be? All he had to deal with was school.

His name was Kirigaya Kazuto, he had missed a year in high school due to medical reasons and was now in his final year.

In the hospital he had dreamed of many things. Of fighting in another world with swords. Of befriending an odd sniper on a battlefield. Of growing up in the countryside with two irreplaceable best friends. Of eating dinner with his aunt and uncle and cousin and feeling wanted.

But he chalked it up to the medication he had been on.

He knew the difference between dreams and reality.

He hears his mother call for him and he heads downstairs to check on her.

The woman in the kitchen is unfamiliar to him. The kitchen, the table, and the very walls that surround him are unrecognizable. 

"Who are you?" Tumbles out of his mouth without his consent and he hopes his mother doesn't pounce on the strange question. Of course he knew her. She was his mother for goodness' sake.

The woman who turns around looks like him but is definitely not his mother. 

"What? Kazuto stop messing around and help me set the table for dinner. Your dad will be home soon and I've invited my sister and her family today. If you're not going to school you  _ will _ at least help around the house."

Kazuto finds himself setting the table, his mind racing. She's right. If he can't do anything then why was he here? But he had bigger worries than that.

He doesn't remember growing up in this house, but then, where did he grow up? Who was he? He doesn't remember being a kid here. He remembers...dojos and grandpa. And...Suguha? Which was strange because they weren't close in the slightest. Maybe the amnesia was a side effect from his medication?

He didn't want his mother to be dissapointed, the way he knew she would be if he told her he was sick again so he stayed quiet.

Maybe he just needed a good night's sleep.

_____________

Eugeo can't decide whether to panic, scream, or cry due to Kirito's painful looking fall and the fact that his eyes were cold and his skin was pale-

He bites his lip, to avoid thinking or doing anything stupid and counts to ten and then back to zero and then to ten again. 

This goes on for the twelve long steps between them. 

He ignores Selka crawling behind him and asking him to let her check on him.

The strange thing he'd been feeling before rushes back to him and everything seems far far away as he gently holds a hand out in front of Kirito's face.

Breath hits his hand and everything rushes back in. He sways even though he is already on the ground and he gently rolls Kirito over.

He's alive. 

Cardinal had warned him against doing so with  _ or _ without permission but he opens Kirito's Stacia window.

Selka squeezes next to him, peering at the window.

It's different than what he was used to seeing. 

He assumes this is what she had meant by his "privileges were higher".

There were things like connection point, which led to an incomprehensible string of numbers, and then heart rate and other things that were generally unimportant in healing but good for figuring out what was wrong. He only knew they existed from some rather obscure tomes that he'd seen only in Rulid. He figured the information just wasn't important. 

_ At least in the Underworld _ .

Kirito had told him these things were quite important in the real world and that he thinks he was probably sick for so long because something had been wrong with one of these things in the real world.

Eugeo could only think that real worlders must be quite frail compared to them.

But everything had activity or numbers.

Everything except the line Eugeo and Selka both stared at.

"S-selka. I don't know what this one is."

"I don't either…" she mumbles as she casts an art, scanning Kirito's body for injuries.

"Up here...his head? His brain?"

"Selka? We weren't doing anything, we were just walking home."

She doesn't say anything in response, in comfort or otherwise, as she pulls his hand down, closing the Stacia window. Her hand is shaking. 

"There's no reason, why this again…" she mumbled to herself.

"Eugeo, Selka, let's get him inside. Kirito will be fine."

Eugeo, again, wanted to scream, how could she be so confident at a time like this. But he saw the look of fear and sadness on her face as she helps maneuver him indoors, and he bites his tongue. She’s only trying to help. He knows she and Selka are shaken, terribly so.

He'd save his breakdown for when he was alone, she didn't deserve that from him on top of everything else. She was only trying to help. 

On the bed he almost looks peaceful, like he's just fallen asleep and will wake soon and the three hope that is the case.

"Perhaps the sudden pain I felt in my head is a clue to all this?"

Alice was always trying to help and let Eugeo and Selka breath a little easier, let’s the panic recede a little further.

When Alice leaves to fetch water Selka looks up at him, tears running down her face, "He'll be okay this time too, right, Yuu?"

He ignores his headache, and forces himself to sound confident, "He'll wake up. He promised not to leave us."

He sits next to her and pushes down his nausea as he wraps an arm across her back.

"I… don't know anything about brain injuries. Did something happen to him in the other world? From how Cardinal and Kirito explained everything...if anything happens to him over there he'd be affected here. So maybe that loud noise was also..."

"...That noise...the shaking. It was as though Vecta himself had risen to strike the earth." 

Alice didn't sound shaken anymore and Eugeo once again wondered where her strength came from.

"My head still hurts from the ringing noise."

He doesn't leave the room until late that night and only then does his headache ease while Selka and Alice's had left hours prior.

Suddenly he is reminded of their link, how tired he felt when Kirito felt tired, how their emotions bounced off each other, showing in strange ways like with the ice of the blue rose sword. 

"You're in that much pain, Kirito?"

Eugeo dragged himself to the living room. He couldn't sleep in their room with Kirito unconscious like that.

Not that he planned on sleeping. 

Eugeo tried to keep calm, it had only been a few hours and clearly something out of all of their control had happened. Selka and Alice had described the same terrifying noise and pain before she had been able to move again and Alice had sent word to Cardinal. 

They had done everything they could. 

Eugeo didn't understand how he was so calm. 

Maybe it was just because this time it was so out of his control that even he couldn't find a way to blame himself.

Maybe he was in shock. 

In the end Eugeo didn't sleep, he was too worried. He hoped Kirito's dreams were good ones. 

In the morning Cardinal is there, with Yuuki. Apparently the girl had chosen to stay behind a little longer. She said she hadn't felt the head pain but she hadn't been able to move at all for a moment. 

Eugeo found it odd that she was from the outside but was unaffected while Kirito was extremely affected.

"Maybe it's because I connected from outside? Maybe something happened to the ship?"

"We can't do anything for him here but hope he hears us. It is as you thought, there is something that did this to him in the other world."

Yuuki, visibly upset, grips Kirito's hand.

"We still haven't had our rematch, Black Swordsman…you can't fall here. This world or any other...you can't leave without saying goodbye. You helped me wake up when I needed it most. Being able to spend time with Asuna on that side...it's the biggest gift I could have gotten. And I'm not sure if you can hear me but...I'm going to try my best too. I'm connected from outside. I'm going to see what I can do to help. I'm not as good as you, but all my reading had to have taught me something right?"

She takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders as she turns away from him.

She squints up at Eugeo, who has reverted to his old habit of silently standing sentry at doorways in the face of her speech. She walks towards the door.

"I need to make sure Asuna is okay."

"You're leaving?" The 'this world' is left unsaid.

"I can't leave Asuna alone out there. She might need me. I need to show you something before I go. Can you keep a secret?"

She takes them outside, up the road and then up and off the beaten path before pulling out a map. 

"... Before I show you this...well, I'm sorry for putting this responsibility on you. But remember, this is all in case something bad happens."

Eugeo doesn't hesitate, "I promised Asuna I'd take care of things. Please, show me."

She grins wide and challenging, "This is called the World End Altar. This is the gateway outside, the door to my world."

____________

Kazuto woke up crying. 

Dinner had been a disaster the night before. His aunt was nice - the nicest woman ever - but when he saw her and she hugged him, he felt like he'd found something he'd been missing. It was so warm it burned and his cousin looked at him oddly when he couldn't answer his aunt's questions about how he was. 

His cousin too. It hurt to see her acting so distant and he didn't get it. They'd never been close had they? 

And his uncle was so  _ cool _ . Meanwhile his dad was late to dinner. 

When they left Kazuto cried and his mother looked on with disgust before letting out a hefty sigh.

"Go to your room please. I'll clean up on my own."

Kazuto thought perhaps he'd just added to a long line of disappointment. He wasn't acting how she wanted so she didn't want him around. 

He wasn't what he should be so they didn't want him. 

His father's snide comments filtered through the door. It didn't matter school or home, he didn't have anyone on his side. 

But then he remembered his aunt's warm gaze and he felt less lonely. 

It hurt to hold the feeling close when he slept. Kazuto woke in tears, he wouldn't be seeing her anytime soon, he knew that much, so why was he thinking of her? 

It was strange. He was supposed to be here, with his parents. This was his home. But if anyone were to ask him he wouldn't be able to tell them anything about his life.

But weirdly enough he knew what kind of tea and snacks his aunt liked and how his cousin secretly liked games. But they weren't really a part of his life. It was just him here, with parents who had given up on him.

Maybe he should go back to school. Maybe then the loneliness would go away.

Maybe then he'd figure out who he was.

__________

There was one piece of information Eugeo was missing. How to actually get Kirito back to the other world and make sure he was awake and safe.

There was no point in going to the altar if he couldn't get Kirito conscious and out. 

But Yuuki didn't have an answer for that. 

He hurried back to the cabin, hoping maybe a miracle had happened and Kirito was awake but not a hair had shifted when he got back to their room. 

He sits and holds his hand, "Kirito, time to wake up, everyone is worried about you…Selka um. Misses...you."

And suddenly Eugeo feels like a kid, standing in the forest, alone, waiting for the sound of a tree falling but knowing it will never come. 

He feels like there hasn't been enough time and he's going to lose Kirito before they even had a chance. Every time they came close to being safe, every time Eugeo feels like he has a chance at something at happiness, it slips through his hands.

He just couldn't get things right.

Eugeo lets his eyes close as rain drops begin to hit the window.

"Kirito...please come back, I need one more chance."

___________

  
  


Kazuto wakes to the sound of rain. 

It wasn't quite light out and he didn't have to get ready for class yet.

Maybe he should skip today.

No. He won't fall into that trap again. His mom will be disappointed  _ again  _ if he gets as bad as he used to be anyway.

Disappointment. Yeah. He was used to that. He saw it on his parents', teachers', and classmates' faces.

He rolls over, restless, eyes brushing over his computer. But no. He promised he'd take it easy for a bit after the hacking incident. There was supposedly someone watching his net usage anyway.

What was the point of him getting up and going to school every day anyway? He already knew anything they could teach.

He felt tired.

He rolled off the bed and got changed and sat at his desk.

It was too early for him to leave. He had no one to walk to school with.

The lonely feeling began to crawl back in.

He turned on his computer only to open up an engineering talk he'd missed while he was at school the day before.

He felt disappointed too. There was no tech that really seemed innovative. He was hoping for new neuro technological developments, those had always been interesting even if he wasn't sure about working with it himself.

But nothing.

Eventually it was time for him to help with breakfast and head out. It was a good distraction from his maudlin thoughts.

He hopped on his bicycle and paused.

He could go anywhere. If no one cared, then he could do whatever he wanted. He was alone anyway, no one would come looking for him, at least, not in a hurry.

  
  


_________

"Kirito, how do I wake you up?"

Eugeo is sitting in a chair next to the bed. Selka is curled in a corner reading. There is still no word from Yuuki or Asuna and Yuuki had informed him that if they didn't return within the month and Kirito didn't wake up to head for the tree. They could talk through there.

But he'd highly prefer if Kirito just woke up. Selka was curled in the corner of his bed reading, hoping to find some sort of information, and Alice was in contact with the other knights, requesting they try for information in the Dark Territory. 

The pugilists of the land seemed to have a wealth of information and they were heading there to negotiate next. 

Alice hoped they found information soon. She was sure the only reason Eugeo hadn't charged off to stop whatever was hurting Kirito was because he was too anxious about leaving his side.

They'd given him various things to do to help either their efforts of securing peace or to hunt down the scraps of information about Kirito's world.

But Eugeo always came back, day after day, anxious and upset at the end of each errand, unease only leaving when he sat with Kirito.

No one blamed him. The sisters were a bit sad, Eugeo had just been getting over his dependence on Kirito. Though Selka had to admit, this was surprisingly nowhere near as bad as before. She was proud of Eugeo for not breaking down at the situation like anyone else would. He was strong. She would be strong too.

She felt she was nearing the limits of what she could learn in all of the Empires. She had wandered into more dangerous practices of the arts, things that veered on breaking the general laws of practice and required more than any one person could offer up. Unless Kirito's theory about Image was correct. If that was the case then in theory one could generate limitless energy. 

Did this mean she could also apply this knowledge to possibly adjust the information of a Stacia window? She didn't want that power. If she figured that out she would control Lives so she tried to be quick when she checked on Kirito.

Eugeo gave her an odd look when she asked him not to let her examine any windows he opened for too long. She didn't blame him. Regardless. She wondered if Alice would have been this interested in the arts instead of her swordwork if she had remained in the village? If she would have bothered learning if Alice was there instead?

Alice showed interest in her findings, and listened and understood, but didn't push the knowledge the way she did.

Selka held Kirito's hand as he slept. She knew this was soothing and counterproductive, as it would only make him sleep more, but it was the only thing she could do for him. 

"Wake up, big brother. You're making Eugeo worry."

__________

Kazuto rode his bike as quickly as he could until eventually he was speeding across a bridge and was the next town over, gasping for air, his legs burning from exhaustion until he lets himself and his bike collapse onto the safety of a small grassy park.

"What is wrong with me?"

Once he had started riding he found he couldn't stop, he felt like something was chasing him, trying to stop him and he needed to go.

"Uh."

He sits up quickly. He must look insane.

"Uh. Sorry. Just- um, biked too far."

The girl was dressed in a flowing long white dress, and looked confused but didn't shy away.

"What happened," she asked as Kazuto sits up, "Where are we?"

Kazuto's heart sinks, "Are you lost? Did you get separated from your parents?"

The girl's nose scrunches up, and to Kazuto she looks confused and irritated and like she's about to cry.

"You don't remember me? You saved me remember?"

Kazuto squints at the girl who had flopped onto the grass next to him.

He blinks, feeling dizzy for a moment.

"Yui?"

He doesn't know how he knows the girl's name and then suddenly he does.

"You remember?" She lets out a little sigh, too weary for her age, "I  _ told _ you Rath was another bad job!"

"How are you here.  _ Where _ is here? What-"

"I can find your user data  _ anywhere _ . You're still in the Underworld," and Kirito heard the jealousy plain as day, "And the power went out for a moment on the submarine. You're asleep. You have to wake up."

"Are you real?"

"Does it matter?"

And then Kirito finds himself nowhere.

"Yui...you didn't tell me how to wake up…"

Kirito huffs out a frustrated breath. Either the system had disconnected Yui, the connection was unstable, or his own subconscious was working against him.

Or all three.

_ Yui said I was asleep. And according to Asuna I'm unconscious and haven't been able to wake up in the real world either. A coma. That's why I'm here. _

Just when Kirito is about to think it's boring in his own mind and that he's terrible and he's left Eugeo alone  _ exactly _ when he shouldn't the scenery around him shifts from pitch black to rocky walls with glowing stones.

" _ Why. _ "

The very person his thoughts were drifting to stares at him, confused.

"Why what, Kirito? Was lunch...bad? Not that the taste can vary…"

Kirito fights to keep a straight face and fails because for some reason his subconscious has decided putting him in his clothes from sword art online and somehow putting Eugeo in the death game is the route to waking up.

"N-no, lunch was fine. Was just...thinking."

"About?"

_ You know what. Who cares. This is between me and my head. _

"You."

When Eugeo merely stares at Kirito, red faced, Kirito marks a win for him and a loss for his subconscious. The real Eugeo would act way differently. He may not seem it but he is surprisingly bold when it matters.

"Oh! Um, what about?"

Kirito leans forward, and Eugeo shifts back before stopping himself.

"How do I get back to you?"

"What...do you mean, I'm right here?"

"Hypothetically then. Say something makes me fall asleep for a long time and I can't hang out with you anymore. How would I wake up?"

Fake Eugeo lets out a laugh, "Sounds like Sleeping Beauty. But I guess you're not the type to wait for someone to save you, huh?"

He draws his sword as he sees monsters approaching them. Kirito draws his in turn.

"I guess you just have to do it. Or want it enough."

Kirito watches as Eugeo cuts cleanly through their enemies.

"That's simple," Kirito replied sarcastically.

"Isn't it? Not everything is as complicated as it seems."

"Oh. I should tell Eugeo that."

Eugeo gives him a sharp smile and Kirito is alone again.

"Was that a part of me that  _ wasn't  _ depressed? Weird. I just have to...do it. It's not complicated. What the fuck, don’t look down on me. Was I looking down on myself? What the hell. Now I’m fighting with myself  _ and _ talking to myself, I need to get out of here. Wake up, wake up. "

Kirito wished he could think up something to kick, because really he did have to ‘just do it’ this time.

"Oi! Eugeo!" He scowled before correcting himself, "Fake Eugeo? Me? Shit isn't ever that simple!"

"But isn't it," sounds from right behind him, breath ghosting along his ear and he jumps. When he whirls around he sees himself.

"No!"

Other him shrugs, and Kirito looks into his own eyes, "I guess you're right but that doesn't change what has to happen. It's that or I drive you insane," He gives himself a considering look before sighing condescendingly, "I mean more insane. So, on with it, yeah? Just do things like you normally do."

"So am I right or wrong?!" Kirito could feel himself growing frustrated in a way he typically avoided, "How are you this  _ useless _ ."

"I'm you, of course I’m this useless. You do always procrastinate on the important things."

Kirito screams.

\-------

This time, the longer Kirito is asleep, the calmer Eugeo feels. He doesn't lock himself in their room. Selka didn't have to take care of him. He wanted Kirito awake and healthy of course, but he felt like he'd grown in a way. 

On the twenty seventh day of Kirito's sleep, they decide to head out. 

Eugeo had been thinking non stop. When Kirito had first asked him to go to the other world with him, he would've said yes in a heartbeat. Now that he's had time to think, he is sure his answer would still be us. But his reasons are different. Better. 

Before he was scared. Terrified that if he let Kirito out of his sight, something would happen to him, he would lose him. But now he wanted to know, why had he been so hurt that he was in a similar state in his own world. What were people like there? 

He'd lived travelling but the human empire wasn't the largest and he wanted to see more. What bigger adventure than another world?

Even better if Selka and Alice decide to go. 

Selka was tired. She wanted a vacation. That was what she had decided on telling Kirito when he woke up. She wanted to spend time with her sister without any emergencies happening. 

Eugeo falls asleep as his dragon flies them to the location Yuuki had told him about. 

Something shakes his shoulder and his vision is blurry from sleep when he pries his eyelids open. 

"Eugeo-kun," a voice sings out, “Good morning.”

Eugeo closes his eyes, he must still be dreaming, it was too early, even for him. He wanted at least an hour more sleep before he had to wake up and face reality. 

"Hey! What the- since when are you this rude?!"

Eugeo shoots up, "Kirito?!"

"Shhh. You'll wake the girls up."

Kirito plops down into Eugeo's lap. 

"You-"

"Weird, but I'm kind of sleepy."

Eugeo sounds incredibly weary, "You were asleep for three and a half weeks. Please don't do it again."

"Wow. Why?"

"Why were you asleep? We don't know. We think it was something from the outside-"

Kirito yawns in Eugeo's face and lets his head fall against his chest.

"Sorry."

Eugeo takes a deep breath and hugs Kirito close before leaning in to kiss him.

Kirito is smiling so much that Eugeo leans away, pouting, "What is it?"

"I knew fake Eugeo had nothing on you!"

"What? Okay. Should I wake up Selka to check on you? Are you feeling okay?"

In the Underworld when people were recovered from an illness, that was it. There were usually any after effects. Usually after effects just meant the person was dead. But Eugeo thought that maybe Kirito might be the exception to this, just like with all the other times he’d been sick. If they could even call this a sickness.

"Yes Eugeo, I feel fine. Where are we going?"

"Someplace called the World's End Altar. Miss Yuuki told me to head there if a month passed and you didn't wake up."

Kirito had leaned over on his side, patting Fuyuha's scales, "Such a good girl," she rumbled appreciatively.

Eugeo smiles fondly, "Alright. I’m waking Selka up to check on you.”

“Wait,” Kirito says, his tone serious, and Eugeo continues to sit obediently as Kirito slides next to him.

“We need to talk. Like you said, I was asleep for awhile....are you alright?”

Eugeo doesn’t answer right away, carefully considering his answer.

“Last time this happened I thought...I thought I didn’t want to live without you. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like the Administrator was still right there in my head. I mean she still was but...I think even without that I would have felt the same. I didn’t know if you would come back and I was lost.”

“Eugeo…”

“This time, I didn’t know if you’d wake up either. I had hope that you would. But...I knew that...I wanted you to be proud of me when you did. I didn’t consider that last time and...I’m sorry for that. And if you didn’t...I wanted to act in a way that would...honor you.”

Kirito felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs.

“Kirito? Did I say something wrong?”

Kirito thought of the blonde kid who cried a ton and tried his hardest to cheer everyone up, the Eugeo who didn’t voice a complaint about his lonely Calling, who suffered through loneliness for more years than anyone deserved.

He lifted his hand and pet Eugeo’s hair.

“No,” he said, voice thick, “No you didn’t. You don’t need me to be proud of you. I’m proud of you. Why are you so perfect?”

“Kirito!”

“Shh. Perfect. No one can match you.”

Eugeo still wanted to wake Selka but he would trust Kirito to know himself for now. He had been much better about taking care of himself since they’d lived at the academy.

“What about you...are you okay? I can’t imagine worrying about being...sick all the time.”

“To be honest...I’ve gotten kind of used to not being in control.”

“Kirito,” Eugeo scolds, “That sounds rather defeatist.”

“Well. It’s get used to it or lose my mind. Where’d you even learn that word?”

“The cathedral had a lot of books. She made me read a ton too.”

Kirito made a disgusted face at the mention of the Administrator.

“I’m okay. That nap did me good I think. I think it was more of a lucid dream anyway. Someone was always telling me to wake up. You gave me some annoying advice too.”

“I did??”

“Well. I guess it wasn’t you. You would never say what he said. He was my mind’s version of you? I guess I was talking to myself most of the time I was asleep.”

“...what did I say?”

“Just do it, things aren’t always as complicated as I make them.”

Kirito, that’s a terrible thing to tell someone. It’s not like we know what they’re dealing with! Though...I guess he did know? Because he was you?  _ Wow. _ How did you stay sane?”

“Oh Eugeo, you know by now I never was.”

Eugeo thinks back to every fight with monsters, cleaning up messes in Eulid, fighting knights and knights in training, and how Kirito jumped in without a second thought.

“True.”

“Speaking of there being something wrong with me. Could you open my Stacia Window please?”

“Huh?”

“Your special Admin powers please. I’d like to see.”

And Eugeo broke his word to Cardinal  _ not _ to do this and opened Kirito’s window for a second time. He would have had to anyway. It looked far different from when he was asleep.

Kirito had let out a little interested hum as he looked at it but didn’t seem confused.

“You understand this window?!”

Kirito nods and points out each line, explaining heart rates, blood pressure, oxygen levels, and brain activity. There were other lines, however, that he didn’t understand, and he mentioned that it probably was something relating to the Underworld. Kirito had never fully explained the cluster of light cubes but, he had his suspicions on how they operated.

“Eugeo...you seem really interested in this.”

He nods, “This line, your brain activity, we kind of figured it out, but it was really low while you were asleep.”

‘Huh.”

“You’re not worried?”

“Well...it gets low when people sleep. I guess the window is opening whatever information the user has access to…”

“User?”

Kirito takes a deep breath, scooting a little away from Eugeo. He wanted to be more open with things, but it was hard.

“Us. We’re users. That’s what you call people using a system.”

“Oh. And this world is a system?”

“In a way.”

“That’s kind of stupid,” Kirito grins at Eugeo’s response, “There’s Life here. No one really...controls that. We just let it be. Though I guess not  _ everyone _ does. The Administrator didn’t, and maybe some people from your world don’t either. I suppose people are like that.”

“I agree. I think you’ll change their mind pretty well, though.”

“I haven’t agreed to go anywhere with you yet  _ Kazuto _ .”

It’s quiet again and Eugeo looks up from studying Kirito’s window to his partner.

“Why are you looking so...shy?”

“Um. When we get out there. You can’t just  _ do that. _ ”

“What?”

“Call me by my first name. The place I’m from, well...it’s rather intimate to just call me by my first name like that. We’re not family so-”

“We’re not?”

And Kirito hurries to wipe the startled look off Eugeo’s face.

“No not like that just- I consider us family, I’ve loved you forever, after all and- I- oh Stacia.”

Eugeo’s smile is blinding as he interrupts, “Just not the social norm then? Haven’t we ignored stuff like that our whole lives?”

“Alright. True.”

“Besides you can’t call me anything else but Eugeo. It’d be weird. I don’t even have a last name.”

There was rustling from the blankets across from them and a head of copper hair popped out.

“Eugeo...who are you- Kirito!”

“Hey, Selka.”

“Don’t you ‘hey’ me you...you jerk! Don’t ever do that again! Twice is enough!”

“I’ll try my best.”

“Alice! Alice wake up!”

Alice sat up, looking uncharacteristically rumpled, hair sticking out at all angles and her eyes practically stuck closed.

She squinted over at Kirito and nodded assuredly, like she knew he’d be awake when she woke up.

“Good morning, Alice.”

She grunted before walking over and punching Kirito in the shoulder.

“Ow! What the hell, I didn’t  _ ask _ to go into a coma!”

“That was for worrying Eugeo.”

Kirito groaned before flopping into Eugeo’s lap, “I’m going to sleep.”

“ _ No!” _ The sisters yelled at him before Eugeo intervened.

“Ah. It’s okay, Kirito may I?”

“Yeah you can show them my window. I don’t get any privacy around here anyway.”

Eugeo flicked his ear.

“Oh it’s...normal? Is that normal?”

Eugeo and Kirito both shrugged.

Selka took a deep breath. “Okay. Well. Since we’re heading to this gate thingy to talk to Yuuki...I have something to say.”

Both boys were all ears.

“I...want to go to the other world. No. I  _ have _ to. I can’t stay here, Kirito.”

“I’m...really happy to hear that, but can I ask why?”

“I think I figured out the secret to Life. Like how the Administrator did.”

Alice looked at her sister with horror, “When,  _ how? _ I was with you most days. And when I wasn’t, Eugeo was.”

“Sister...that window that Eugeo can call up has a  _ lot _ of information. I think you noticed and kept away from it aside from checking on Eugeo. But I...dedicated most of my time to studying the world around me after you’d gone. I couldn’t help but try to understand it and...no matter how I tried to avoid it, I understood more and more from just rereading the old books in Zakkaria. Imagine if I had access to the cathedral? Or even just the academy? I don’t want to have the kind of power she did. I don’t want anyone to feel how the Knights or Eugeo felt. So I’ll leave. I think it’s the best way to protect everyone.”

“Then...I’m coming with you.”

“Alice?”

“I’m coming too. I missed out on so much of your life. My first life was with you and Kirito and Eugeo and our family and I don’t remember it. My second was with the knights. Why not a third?”

And then all three turned to Eugeo, who had been squished into the groove of the saddle as they crowded him.

The girls were looking at him accusingly, and Kirito, pleadingly, though he was trying not to show it.

Eugeo had already made his choice and had his fun teasing Kirito with it but if he hadn't? These three would have pushed him to agree before he could even think about it.

“Of course I’m coming too.”

After that it was quiet for a long while until Kirito groaned. He wasn’t sure if this was an issue yet but he knew himself to know he was going to overthink everything.

"Guys?"

All six eyes turned to Kirito, expectant, and unsure. Whenever he started with a question they knew something absurd was coming.

"Can someone...prove I'm awake?"

Selka blinked, "You don't think you're awake? Are your dreams this vivid?"

"Okay. Yeah that's true, it's just…"

Selka understood. She was strangely familiar with the feeling of reality slipping away. When you knew too much, things stopped seeming real and it was a dangerous frame of mind to be in. It's why she wanted to go to the other side.

"How about if I told you something you couldn't possibly know, and something you wouldn’t bother thinking too much about?"

He still looks skeptical but he nods and Selka leans in to whisper to him.

Their conversation lasts all of a minute and by the end of it Kirito is red faced and refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

Eugeo curiously speaks up, "Alright?" And Kirito voice comes in high and strained, "We're good! I’m definitely awake!"

"Uh-"

Selka interrupts, looking mischievous in a way neither boy has seen before but Alice looks weary of without even realizing.

"In your world, will we have personal space? I love you three but being alone for a few days will be a dream come true. Don't you agree Kirito?"

Selka busied herself brushing her hair as she spoke.

Kirito lets out an odd laugh, "Alone?! With- I mean. Yes. Um. Probably?"

"Good," Alice states, a bit more forcefully than necessary, glaring at Eugeo who looks back, utterly confused as Kirito refuses to look at any of them. 

When they land, Fuyuha lays on the ground, gratefully soaking up the sun.

Eugeo gently unclasps all ten square meters of saddle before following the others over to the shrine.

It was strange there was a single stone pedestal hidden behind an arch.

Alice hummed before pressing a hand to it, Kirito looking on in surprise, "There was a similar one in...her rooms. She would activate it like this." Nothing happened for a moment and as she removed her hand it lit up in purple. 

Kirito squeezed next to her, muttering, "Might take a while to connect, the acceleration difference..automatically adjust maybe...just laying here for anyone…"

A voice sounds, filled with static, "Kirigaya-kun?!"

"...Kikuoka-san?"

In the background there's an excited shout, "Asuna!" Eugeo cries out, sounding relieved.

And then clearer, "Kirigaya-kun are you alright? There was a power outage for a moment. We had some…intruders. Well. I'll tell you about that when you're back."

"Define alright? How do I even get back?"

"We should be able to start your wake up process much sooner than we thought. Whatever happened, your brain activity seems to be back to normal, but I'd like to observe a little longer. Let's say a few days in Underworld time?"

"Days….can we have a week?"

"We?"

"Ah...um. I'm assuming you can see me right? The three I'm with want to come too. With all you've done, you'll figure something out, right?"

And Kirito's voice is like steel, the only time Eugeo had heard his boyfriend quite like this was when he was comforting him when he and Selka had rescued him from his parent's farm. 

He felt strangely comforted and he could tell the other two felt the same. Selka wasn't fidgeting as much and Alice looked less tense.

There was a pause before Kikuoka responded, "Of course," Alice thought the voice sounded fond, she wondered if Kirito was close to the man, "I'll make sure to let Zekken know you're safe as well Mr. Hero."

And the steely gaze dropped in favor of familiar embarrassment.

"Eugeo?"

"Yes!" He chokes out, surprised to be addressed.

"Thank you for taking care of him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kicked my butt for three weeks after I wanted to post it. Let me know how I did with Kirito's dream sequence because I did not feel confident writing that part and having it make sense. The stuff in it will relate to the rest of this fic though! Kirito loves his parents (not his birth parents) and his sister and I always felt like there was a ton of time he wanted to just be home during Alicization! And I think seeing Kirito feeling better will have Eugeo closer to being okay again too! Also, just so ya know, this fic will be skipping the actual war bits of the WoU plot since there's really no need for it in the story.


End file.
